the.place.without.a.care

But i know in time we'll find this was no surprise

2012-01-25T00:07:00.000-08:00

It's no surprise i won't be here tomorrow,

I can't believe that i stayed till today,

Yeah you and i would be a tough act to follow,

But i know in time we'll find this was no surprise.

Spending my last weeks here before winter break camping in with eng and yaya at eng's headquarters. Staying up late, waking up even later, rushing to class, practicing practical skills with each other. Thank you Allah for this support group. I couldn't have done it alone. Honestly, i'm a much happier person these days.

Learnt a lot these few weeks. Not just academically-speaking. But also learnt major life lessons through our abundant of meaningful and sometimes hilarious conversations. Reminisced days way back in our junior toye days in tkc to now. Look how far we've come and how much farther we can go.

I thank Allah for giving me these two friends. Kawan waktu susah, juga waktu senang. That's rare to find. These days banyak kawan waktu senang, waktu Laugh Out Loud je. Friends who condemn you for your flaws, not realising their own.

Oh Allah please give my friends and i whatever's best planned for us. Help us and hold us close to You through periods of ease and hold us even closer in times of hardship.

Watched Cast Away with the two girls the other day. And i liked one line from the movie (there aren't many lines pun haha)

"Never give up. Just keep breathing. You never know what the tide may bring"

Or something like that :)

WOI LAPAR WOI

2012-01-15T14:21:00.001-08:00

Here i am. A struggling medic student. On a late night. Trying to down whatever knowledge from the book i can manage to jam down this brain of mine. With my two comrades by my side, yaya and eng, waving the white flag, screaming out retreat, and recharging their energies in silence sometimes punctuated with that soft snoring noises, here i am, continuing our mission. Bleeding profusely with thoughts of giving up, but still, pushing through.

Le sigh.

Tough times don't last, but tough people do. Holding on, no, DESPERATELY grasping on to that mantra. Going through harsh times as always, but hey, i'm still here. Nobody's gonna hit as hard as life, not you, not me. But you gotta be willing to take the hits and get back up! At least that's what Rocky Balboa says, no?

I know i'm not anybody. Not that girl at the top of the class or that kid who's always so enthusiastic in class. Pffft. Far from that. But i'm still here. I'm still holding on. And i believe i will get there. As long as i don't stop trying. Success will be mine, God-willing. If i can't succeed in anything else, then let it be known that i'm the girl who refuses to give up.

Oh. Apa point sebenarnya? Aku nak kata aku lapar. Tu je. Lapar woi.

38 more days to Malaysia

2012-01-05T14:53:00.000-08:00

hello people i'm back. burnt out and battered black and blue as ever.

yesterday i dreamt of home. i woke up in tears.

going through hard times, as always. tough times are always in fashion. they never go out of trend.

i'm just trying to survive day to day. one breathe to the next. dragging myself along. inching my way forward bit by bit. just trying to hold on before i get to inhale Malaysian air again.

i'm a below average medical student. but i'm still hanging on. still, am. i don't know what i'm doing or studying or what the heck the lecturer's talking about and sometimes i couldn't be bothered, but i'm still staying on. just to see what happens next. just to see how long Lisa Azelan can take all this.

and truthfully most times i don't feel so heroic. i feel like running away from all this. running away and start off again with something new, some place faraway from here. but yet i stay on. i hang on. that's just what i do.

i stay on. because maybe just maybe there's a slither of a chance, that this all will turn around, and the wheels start turning and suddenly i find myself at the top. i stay on, cause i wanna be there when it happens.

just a little bit more, lisa, just a little bit more. soon you'll be landing in KLIA, welcomed by the ones you love. then, you'll be scampering around town looking for char kuey teow. and when you taste that lovely taste of char kuey teow, all that hard work will be paid off i promise you (yes i'm pathetic, i use char kuey teow as motivation haha)

you'll be surrounded by the ones you love and actually appreciate your presence and you'll be wrapped in the hot sunny sun of Malaysia instead of being cooped up in this cold miserable room in Alex. tough times will pass, Lisa. they surely don't last. but tough people do! cliched, but entirely true, love.

you'll go everywhere with dad, you'll go eat at that fave Japanese place, you'll go visit Awin in MCKK, you'll spend time with mum, you'll roll around in bed the whole day in that small lovely homely room, you'll go hang out cousins' place, you'll get to hold baby Rania, and you'll make mum and dad proud when they say, "ni anak perempuan saya ni, balik cuti from mesir. belajar medic kat sana. tahun dua dah"

okay, i'm close to tears now. dear god, please give me the strength to go through. on days i feel entirely weak, give me bantuan dan pertolongan dari arah yg tidak ku sangka-sangkakan. inject me with enthusiasm and love and spirit.

jangan give up lisa. stay on.

afternoon rant

2011-12-31T05:19:00.000-08:00

what do you have to say about sexism?

i got a thing or two.

i sense a little discrimination unto the lesser gender these days, at least in my society.

and it gets a little bit frustrating sometimes.

no, i don't want to be labeled as the outraged feminist or deranged ex-student of an all-girls school. oh, wouldn't it be so easy to just blame it all to that?

i'm just saying sometimes i don't agree with how things work around here. (ahaha awat hang tak bertanding je untuk PERUBATAN then. lol. voting pun tidak, ok, i'll give you that; i'm an irresponsible member of the society. but that doesn't mean i can't have opinions. and if you don't like em, don't subscribe to em)

some things don't make me mad. it just plain baffles me, that is all. for instance sharing pagi-pagi tu. kenapa lelaki je yang men-sharing? i mean, it's not that i really want to take the mike and shine in the spotlight and talk infront, not at all. tak mau pun. haha. but i was just wondering why not girls? what's the reason. i wanna know. i'm curious to know; dying. is it because of an Islamic point of view? suara perempuan itu aurat? okay, but then what about lecturers perempuan. boleh bukan? sebab mereka sampaikan knowledge. what about kalau girls yg sampaikan sharing? bukan sama ke, sampaikan knowledge? and if the reason is : oh perempuan takleh, sebab perempuan pemalu. then, haktuih. not all girls are malu gila gells tak bertempat. some are proactive and perhaps have a very great deal of knowledge to share. sama lah juga kepada video-video. kenapa perempuan cannot be in the video? it's absurd. bukannya buat video porno pun. video ilmiah jugak.

and diversity. what's wrong with that? i get that Daddy has been getting a lot of negative feedback from his controversial status-es on facebook, but i totally get what he's trying to say. no, i'm not anti-Islamist, just that there's nothing wrong with having different kinds of activities atau topic sharing for that matter to attract interest of different members of our society. selagi tidak melampaui batas, why not? after all, we do need to strive to produce multi-talented all-rounder Muslims who can adapt to any situation or hold a conversation with people from different walks of life, non-Islamic topics even.

i don't know. am i the one who's having an askewed mind-set. was i wrong for the entire of my 19 years of living and only after coming here realising this is how girls should be? silent, blushing and just letting men boss around? then i don't fit in. i really don't. no wonder sometimes i feel so detached from the society.

This is an apology

2011-12-23T01:52:00.001-08:00

For everything and anything, for the big and the microscopic, for something and nothing in particular.

I'm sorry i can't always be there for everyone.

I'm sorry i can't give my all to everyone to make them happy cos i do try, but sometimes i'm too beaten up, out of energy, hung up to dry.

I'm sorry of i ever put on my intimidating face and snap at what you said.

I'm sorry if i passed by you by the roadside and never offered just a crack of a sunshine of a smile to you. Sometimes i could not be bothered. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for not showing up sometimes to any gatherings or events.

I'm sorry if i ever forgot to do any responsibilities like take out the trash.

I'm sorry if my mere presence annoys you to death. I'm really not trying to murder you just by existing.

I'm sorry for coming in late sometimes for lectures and it bothers or distracts attention of my lecturemates.

I'm sorry i'm not that ideal Muslim girl you were always preaching about.

I'm sorry i'm not the epitome of what a good medical student should be.

I'm sorry i don't skype home so often.

I'm sorry for sometimes being emotional for no reason.

I'm sorry if i ever fantasized of killing you and sorry if i ever made you the subject of my hate and frustration while scheming and crying under the blanket at night.

I'm sorry i'm bad at decision-making.

I'm sorry sometimes i crumble like pastries even though i've promised times and times before to stay strong.

I'm sorry sometimes i don't practice what i preach.

I'm sorry for being the subject and reason of you casting that disdainful and condenscending look of yours. I'm sorry for my imperfections and failure to make you happy.

I'm sorry if i tweet or write things that might be hurtful to you, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

I'm sorry if sometimes i still feel burnt up anger or that resurfacing of that cancer of an emotion which is hate or envy towards you. I try to cleanse my heart out of those toxins, but somehow or another, i end up scrubbing at the same black spot over and over again cos it keeps sprouting up.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Goerg Abed,,Egypt

Kenapa takleh tido ni? Haih

2011-12-19T16:02:00.001-08:00

1) What do you like most about being a girl?

*i'll get to feel life growing from inside me, my womb to be exact. Err okay, that's so random. Can't think of another answer. Haha

2) What role do you usually play in a team work?

*i think it's safe to say and also embarressing to admit that i'm the flash-in-the-pan. Always with the burst of ideas, but i'm not exactly frontliner material when it gets down to realising the idea into reality. I leave the dirty work for others to figure out.

3) If you could grant somebody a wish, what would it be?

*I wish you well. I wish that Allah will open the doors of forgiveness from your cold twisted heart. I wish Allah will rectify whatever's broken between us. And i'm also sorry for my choice of words of describing your heart. I have no right to say so. I take it back. I'm sorry.

4) What makes you sad?

*Walking through that door. It sucks the happiness out of me. It really does. There's some sort of invisible siphon installed somewhere around, i'm sure there's one.

5) If you had all the money in the world, what would you do?

*After performing all my social duties of charity and stuff, i'd like to use a portion of money for my own selfish wanting which is to travel the world, all those rare exotic places i only get to read about.

6) What keeps you awake in the dead of the night?

*Uhhhhhh, blogging crappy posts like this one? Haha. Helpppp i can't sleep! And i got a long day tomorrow! :S so screwed level 10 -.-

7) What are your new year's resolution?

*Increase of willpower and enthusiasm. You want success? Go get it yourself. Stop moping (bukan mopping) around. No one's gonna serve you success medium rare on a silver patter. No, they don't even serve you that at Coffee Roastery. I've checked.

8) What are bothering you these days?

*The fact that you and your petty issues can bother me so much kinda bothers me. Wahai lisa, awak boleh tak jangan jadi fragile macam kaca sangat? Gagah please. Hati besi hati besiiiii.

9) Who breathes inspiration to you?

*Great Muslim figures that goes down waay back to our beloved Prophet's time. Stories of Rasulullah and the sahabahs bring tears to my eyes and lifts my spirits up whenever i feel helpless and the world is heavily collapsing on me. They've had it far worse off, those Muslim figures. Syurga itu mahal, maka bayaran perjuangan itu pastilah tidak mudah.

10) If you could demolish one thing from this world, what would it be?

*Ill feeling towards another. It's the root of destruction!

11) What do you think of the place you live in now?

*what errr Egypt? It's well, Egypt. Sure you get a lot of ammu spitting by the roadsides and shouts of 'Bekiah!' awaken your afternoon beauty sleep, but hey, it's livable *shrugs*

12) What's your favourite drink?

*I go crazy for fruit juice. Oh kalau lah saya pengusaha kilang jus buah pasti saya akan sedut setiap titis air jus sampai saya bankrupt! Uyeah!

13) Do you have any special somebody in your heart?

*i do. My parents & brothers :) and whomever deem worthy of their love, i'll love them too.

14) What book are you currently reading?

*Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

15) Who do you appreciate most?

*You :)

16) Do you love your life right now?

*Not exactly head over heels, but i learn to get by. InsyaAllah.

17) What's the most awful thing you've ever had to do?

*Errrr wash a tupperware of fungus-infested pieces of food, if you can even call it food. Not even my tupperware. Hurmphhh!

18) What's your fantasy dream job?

*I wanted to open a theme park. Ni terima kasih kepada Sims Theme Park, pencetus idea. Hahaha

19) How do you deal when people talk bad about you?

*i'm afraid i don't deal with it very well; i cry. Under the safe haven of my blanket of course. But i still dream of owning an invincible heart. Long way to go, but getting there, i hope. i keep reminding myself, that only strong people can handle criticism :)

20) Current song that describes your life right now

*Be Ok - Ingrid Michaelson

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Shambluon,,Egypt

i kid you not

2011-11-06T15:24:00.000-08:00

i know i'm young. but i'm not getting any younger. as much as i'd love to.

so it's not wrong to dream of things we'd wish to have or do when we're older.

and i dream of having kids :D

aha! yes, i repeat kids.

this, coming from a chronic skeptic of marriage and family-life and kids and all.

i guess i've grown up a bit in this couple of years. no doubt i did. even if it's only a tad bit, that would do.

i used to hate kids. they annoy me.

but even the hardest of hearts can succumb to their irresistible cuteness!

why the sudden talk of kids? cause i'm currently reading this book entitled, "Tarbiah Anak-anak dengan Zikir dan Doa".

the authors stressed on the importance of mendidik anak dengan bukan sahaja memberi barang material, tetapi juga dengan makanan rohani.

and they also mentioned, it's never too young to doa for jodoh yang baik dan dikurniakan Allah zuriat yang menjadi penyejuk mata.

to petik one part of the book,

Doa Mendapat Anak Yang Ramai dan Soleh

"Ya Allah, banyakkanlah hartaku dan anakku,

serta berilah keberkatan di atas setiap apa yang Engkau kurniakan.

Panjangkanlah kehidupanku dalam ketaatan terhadap-Mu

serta perbaikilah amalanku dan kurniakanlah keampunan kepadaku"

(Riwayat al-Bukhari dalam al-Adab al-Mufrad no. 653,

al-Tirmizi no. 2329 dalam Sahih Al-Tirmizi)

Keterangan dan Petua Beramal

Islam sebagai agama fitrah tidak pernah menegah umatnya untuk memperbanyakkan harta kekayaan dan anak keturunan. Malah, orang beriman digalakkan mengumpulkan harta benda sebanyak-banyaknya asalkan ia dilakukan dengan cara yang halal. begitu juga, kita digalakkan mempunyai zuriat dan penyambung amalan soleh apabila kita sudah tiada.

dalam satu riwayat, Nabi S.A.W berbangga dengan umat yang ramai dan menggalakkan kaum lelaki berkahwin dengan wanita yang mampu beranak ramai. oleh itu, kita hendaklah menyahut seruan ini dan sakah satu caranya ialah dengan membaca doa ini

jadi apa lagi? mari pasang niat untuk beranak ramai :D

dear god

2011-10-22T11:35:00.000-07:00

O Lord of all-things Great ;

please grant this special friend of mine

all the best things of this world & the next,

shower her with ever-lasting love & mercy,

& guide her in everything she does,

& grant her ease in times of trouble,

give her all the happiness this world can offer,

and grant her tranquility & excellence in everything & anything,

amin :)

Salma, Mohamed & Yahya :)

2011-10-21T12:23:00.001-07:00

Visited anak mama's house and played with the kids. Nice :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Sero Setries,,Egypt

My lovely sisters

2011-10-15T21:41:00.001-07:00

Sisters love;

you are most beautiful when you are in your most simple natural form. No amount of make up or artificial beauty rectification can beat the beauty of a sister who is beautifully content with what her Creator has made and mould her in due proportions because she knows, no, BELIEVES, that Allah is the All-Knower, Ever-Wise and what Allah has given her is the best of what any human can artificially sculpture her into.

My comrades, my beautiful flowers, my muse, my inspiration;

You are breath-takingly gorgeous when you display a character of kindness and gentleness, and when you spread that joyful sunshine of a disposition to everyone around you, regardless if they've wronged or cast judgement towards you times and times before. Your forgiveness and acceptance of others are worth falling in love for and that makes you right up there, beating all the pretty ladies of the world :)

My dear sweethearts;

You look most beautiful to Our Creator even with your smudgy tear-stained face and red eyes when you cry tears of repentance to Him, lowering your head in shame for past sins, hoping for retribution and atonement. And if you already look beautiful to Him - The Owner of All-Things Beautiful, who else do you need to look beautiful for?

My dear sisters ; you are beautiful, times ten to the power of infinity :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Hey, it's okay

2011-10-14T03:45:00.001-07:00

*if you don't look like Jessica Alba or as smart as that person at the top of your class

*if you don't own the latest gadjets or know anything much in the techno-savvy world

*and it's also okay if you sometimes feel like you want to laugh or cry for no particular reason

*it's okay if you're not really into the latest fashions and trends and you don't really stand out, blended in, invisible. A wallpaper in the background.

*if you don't live up to everybody's expectations of you, and sometimes when you let them down, you just feel like shrivelling up and disappearing away.

*it's okay if you have evil feelings once in a while. Newsflash, you're only human.

*it's okay if you don't feel normal like everybody else. For instance, you like wearing your socks mismatched or you like the idea of living in the deserts with the bedouins.

*it's okay if you feel absolutely wounded and not sure if you'll ever be able to mend yourself and be whole again.

*if you don't feel like brushing your hair or even just getting out of bed on those lazy days.

*it's okay if some days you feel annoyed and frustrated and you feel like screaming into a pillow or rip somebody'a head off.

Cause even with all those imperfections, there's still someone out there, who'll love you, just for who you are. Loving every part of you, including your flaws, heck, ESPECIALLY your flaws, accepting you in your entirety. So chin up and stop beating yourself up!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Al Ostaz,,Egypt

Goodbye summer

2011-09-29T17:59:00.001-07:00

Goodbye blissful summertime in Mansoura. I will miss you dearly :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:El-shaheed Fahmy Abd El-hameed,,Egypt

Baby you crumble my resolve

2011-09-27T18:05:00.001-07:00

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:El-shaheed Fahmy Abd El-hameed,,Egypt

Today, i will miss you :')

2011-09-21T12:54:00.001-07:00

Abaikan muka toya tu, saya memang toya, dulu kini dan selamanya :)

I will most certainly miss today

Hurghada is really beautiful and i wish i could stay here longer but a holiday's a holiday, life's not

Location:El-bahr,,Egypt

rindu pula perempuan perempuan ni

2011-09-11T08:40:00.000-07:00

random :)

the day we baked cookies

2011-09-09T05:00:00.000-07:00

it was an attempt to make kuih semperit for hari raya for no hari raya is complete without the legendary melts in you mouth, not on your hands semperit, but instead, they turned out to be butter cookies! so much for semperitness. hehe

Death & all his friends

2011-09-08T17:03:00.000-07:00

All winter we got carried away

Over on the rooftops, let's get married

All summer we just hurried

So come over, just be patient, & don't worry

So come over, just be patient & don't worry

yes. all winter, all summer, we trudged through. we couldn't wait for each passing day to end. we live each day like serving out a sentence of time in jail. we look forward to the next phase, only to find ourselves looking forward to the next one. we couldn't wait to get our lives over with. then what?

So come over, just be patient & don't worry

And don't worry

Try

No i don't want to battle from beginning to end

I don't want to cycle or recycle revenge

I don't want to follow death & all of his friends

No, i don't want to battle from beginning to end

I don't want to cycle or recycle revenge

I don't want to follow death & all of his friends

we got one life. live it. think back on one important moment of your life. think hard. & let go. do you realise that you can never go back to that exact moment, exact time or place again? do you wish to live always saying, "Oh how i wish i couldve bla and bla" And yes life's too short for hate & revenge. people with hurt you & break you, no doubt. but pay it forward with love. hate is tiring.

"No sadness lasts forever, nor any felicity - Nor any state of poverty or one of luxury. If you are the owner of a heart that is content - Then you and the owner of the world is equivalent" [Imam ash-Shafie]

nothing lasts forever. not you not me not anything. we are all the same decaying organic matter that'll eventually be reduced to nothingness. we all know that we're gonna die someday. but if we truly actually BELIEVED in that, would be still be acting the way we are now? #questiontoponder

And in the end

We lie awake & we dream of making our escape

And in the end

We lie awake & we dream of making our escape

but there's no escape. to Him we shall return. and may we be called, "O self at rest & at peace, return to your Lord, well-pleasing & well-pleased! Enter among My servants! Enter My Garden!" Amin ya Rabbal Alamin.

alfatihah to all those whom Allah have picked to take back to Him these past few weeks. God gives, God takes, God's name be ever praised. Allahuakbar!

NB: dear mum, IF by a slight bacteria-size of a chance you're reading this. no, i've not joined any extreme religious movement or something as radical as that. i just have my moments of being reflective ;) it's so cute how you get worried about the sudden change in outburst of religious status i put on my facebook etc pages post-flying to egypt. hehe. still the same old lisa. slowly inching my way for the better, insyaAllah.

sick of my demons

2011-09-02T15:28:00.000-07:00

everyone has them. but mine seems to be reigning supreme in this dark room at the back of my mind.

i'm sick of them, sick!

everytime i feel like i'm onto something or i can achieve something, they gun down whatever self-worth i have with snide hurtful remarks that i can't, or scream out whatever points that i'm lacking in.

i have a self-esteem the size of a pea. sliced into 318 parts.

these demons, they're bringing me down, reducing me into nothingness. eating me up, gnawing away at my self-confidence till i feel kicked in the stomach & my heart shriveling up like a piece of chewing gum by the sidewalk, useless.

i can't even achieve simple tasks i set myself to these days. a pathetic creature, i am.

even as i'm sitting here, typing away, i'm not sure who's typing, these demoralizing demons inside of me, or lisa, whoever that is. hell, what if lisa doesn't exist? what if i'm just a mere figment of imaginary, a speck of dust floating by, insignificant.

okay, i've gone nuts. call the asylum.

but seriously, acknowledging a problem. that's the first step.

and let me say it loud, say it proud : I HAVE A SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES !

i seriously do. and i have to do something about it, fast. before it eats me up inside.

i need to stop being a loser. period. i'm tired of being a loser. i need to win my life back.

HELP!

is it too early to be scouting for winter coats? :B

2011-08-31T03:18:00.000-07:00

bullfrog

2011-08-26T20:17:00.000-07:00

what you see is NOT what you get

2011-08-25T19:13:00.000-07:00

truth.

there are so many different layers/sides to a person.

dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde? not even close! we've got Mr Jones, Mrs Robertson, Miss Adams.. and a whole lot more characters all rojak-ed into one person. seriously.

you know that. i know that.

deep down you're gelabah-ing cause i caught you out.

i know you have hidden personas deep inside that complex mind & soul of yours.

but don't sweat it out, mister/miss.

i do too.

we're all guilty of the same charge.

so it's absolutely criminal to judge a person just like that.

you have no idea who she/he really is.

not a clue.

okay one of brackets kat gigi dah tercabut. degil nak makan bende2 keras lagi... haha *iklan sekejap*

okay sebenarnya dah writer's block.

so i leave you with a status i previously posted in facebook sometime ago

"Oh she wears fancy clothes & selendang & not tudung labuh or jubah,

she must not be a very good muslimah.

He's in a band & plays the guitar,

he's not very tafaqquh-class material aye?

Eh dia bukan reti sangat cakap bahasa arab,

harap bahasa inggeris je power,

mesti dia tak reti baca al-Quran kan?

Dia pakai iphone/BB/etc,

mesti anak orang kaya tak pernah rasa susah.

ENOUGH!

i wish to escape.

i'm weary of judging eyes. aren't you?"

a very interesting topic to discuss nevertheless.

but kemalasan has gotten the best of me. haha bye!

the other day we went to our mama's (landlady's) house for iftar

2011-08-24T19:39:00.000-07:00

jangan tanya kami makan apa. saya pun tak sure nama nya apa. yang penting sedap :)

siapa cakap sini takde char kuey teow?

2011-08-24T19:27:00.000-07:00

abang rahim has worked his magic again :D

oh please ignore me. i'm being crappy again.

2011-08-23T06:01:00.000-07:00

1) maybe i think too much

my blahdy problem is that i think too much. i spend most of my time worrying, conjuring worst-case scenarios that its effing tiring me, no kidding. no wonder i feel lethargic most of the time. probably that's why i'm having all these dreams or nightmares or imaginations. it's cause i do not let my brain take a break! but to command myself to stop thinking is not as easy as its brought up to be. seriously, its not. the more i convince myself to stop worrying or thinking, the more i end up worrying about me not worrying. haih. i'm screwed up. i need a solution.

2) you are not alone

but i am. well at least sometimes i feel like i am. okay, not sometimes, a lot of times. but my gargantuan ego won't let me admit that. i always want to know that i'm self-sufficient, that headstrong independent take-no-prisoners girl, better off alone. but after a long day of laughing and smiling and working on some lisa magic, at the end of the day, when i retire back to the empty recesses of my mind, i won't deny i feel impossibly alone in this planet of a population of 6.8 billion people. why? i can't explain it. but the feeling's just there. aching.

3) you are beautiful, no matter what they say

and how am i supposed to believe that when i'm sitting next to my supermodel-looking friend wearing a very expensive Zara blouse-ish dress with that impressive Hana Tajima/Maria Elena hijab style, while here i am wearing a baju t-shirt band sekolah with tudung karipap and with no sense of fashion at all? they tell you looks don't matter, it doesn't matter that you're fat, as long as you're kind, but crap i tell you crap. looks do matter. at least it does to society these days.

4) i'll be better when i'm older

growing up sucks. still. i thought over the years i'd grow maturer but whenever a problem arises and its too much for me to handle i feel like running into the safe haven of my blanket and cry myself to sleep. like a 5 year old. or sometimes i wanna throw a tantrum & i want to be able to get myself a candy or ice cream and say all my problems are fixed. but it doesn't work that way in adult-land, ohoho, no it doesn't.

5) superhuman

i want people to stop expecting me to be all that i'm made up to be. reputation, it exceeds you. i am human. sometimes i feel heroic, sometimes i crumble to itsy bitsy pieces. some days i might surprise you, and some days i might disappoint you. i, am you. not superior, not better, not above you. heck, i may be even more pathetic than you expected me to be. but i beg you to not dismiss me & thoroughly discard me, stay awhile & maybe just maybe you'd catch that glimmer of gold trying to surface through ;)

okay. i feel all BLARGH now that i've typed all that.

forgive me dear friends, i've just finished reading a very uber-depressing book, & it's messing up with my state of mind! haha

my idea of beautiful

2011-08-15T21:01:00.000-07:00

beautiful is being comfortable in your own skin, but not showing off skin.

beautiful is being simple. simplicity is pretty. and nothing beats that.

beautiful is being nice & forgiving to your enemies though they've hurt you times and times before.

beautiful is being able to say no cause it's the right thing to do even though your heart is aching to say yes.

beautiful is crying to yourself silently but putting on a brave front and happy cheerful disposition so others won't be brought down with your woes too.

beautiful is speaking of the beautiful things in this life & the afterlife.

beautiful is being patient.

beautiful is being able to smile at the little things in life, like when you're feeling the first few raindrops of a sudden morning shower.

beautiful is a mother/father's love.

beautiful is staying true to yourself though others question you again and again till the doubts sink in.

beautiful is two people sitting in complete silence yet assured with that calm soothing quiet understanding that they love each other for the sake of Allah. no other malice intentions intended.

beautiful is being able to lose yourself and go a little insane sometimes ;)

someday

2011-08-14T00:34:00.000-07:00

i've always wanted to be someone like Greg Barker.

and in case you don't know who he is, he's the director of the documentary, "Koran By Heart". a must watch HBO documentary! but it's such a pity they took it off youtube. well go find out about it anyway. you shan't be disappointed.

i've always wanted to travel the world. speak different languages. interact with people of different cultures. document them. and share with the world how beautiful/ugly/interesting life is :)

i want my life to be meaningful. i don't want to be locked in a mundane routine of life, go to work, rest, go to work blablabla. i want to be free. free to leave and come as i like (okay that's too much to ask for) but at least to be able to be adventurous and make a difference in the world, at least a small one.

studying here in Egypt has opened my eyes. push and shoved me out of my comfort zone. it's devastating really, to see how a lot of people here gets by with practically nothing, and we in Malaysia have everything and yet we still don't show much gratitude and still complain complain complain about this & that and don't give two hoot for the needy. disgusting, really.

my dream. far-fetched. documentary? i don't have a clue on cameras or videos or stuff. travelling the world? not unless i study real hard and get loads of bucks and become a billionaire which is close to impossible for a surviving doctor these days.

but a girl can dream.

a sweet escape

2011-07-27T15:03:00.000-07:00

well, diabetic really.

i'm having my end of module 6 & 7 exam tomorrow.

& guess what yaya & i chose to do?

go hang out by the beach while scooping down

a whole tub of awesome goodness of icecream!

again, today was a happy day, alhamdulillah.

had a really good talk about life and stuff with yaya by the beach.

yeah, cliched but so what.

god-sent :)

2011-07-26T17:54:00.001-07:00

i might scare you a little when i'm enthusiastic/determined

2011-07-24T12:49:00.000-07:00

but most of the time i'm pure lazy & lemau semangat. ahaha. minta berubahlah wahai lisa....

thanks for the revision session geng MM :D semoga berjaya esok, insyaAllah.

them girls

2011-07-23T04:05:00.000-07:00

they keep me sane in this land of insanity :) can't wait for tonight. our occasional meet-up rituals :D

i wish i could be frank. but i can't

2011-07-21T18:38:00.001-07:00

there. you have it. i'm jealous. happy?

no. it's not much of the wanting. it's the part that you can discard me as you like and not give two hoot about it.

i deserve more respect. i am not a piece of cheap trash you can take out as you like.

i know i shouldn't be bothered about this. but i a tad bit am.

don't make me feel as if i'm the one crippled, i'm the one at fault.

cause you are. you're the loser. you're the sad miserable creature who can't go without.

then why oh why lisa are you trying so hard to convince yourself that there's nothing wrong with you?

well i hate you. i hate you for making me feel this way. i hate you for making me doubt myself.

this is just a phase. you are just a phase.

at the end of the week, heck, day, i'll be able to read through this and laugh it off again and wonder why i even bother.

you, i'm flushing you out of my system. *flushing flushing flushed!*

p/s : dear lisa, please be nicer to people. regardless of how much of a jerk/bitch they are.

i don't know what i want. so don't ask me

2011-07-15T15:32:00.000-07:00

in support of MedicMesir's UPI campaign :)

(but this post is just my own personal humble opinion)

rimas. rimas dengan dunia kadang-kadang. the superficiality, the utter obsession over considerably petty stuff, the dizzyingly tremendous effort put into such disappointingly non-significant issues.

everywhere i turn i see people walking in pairs, i jump into a taxi and an intoxicatingly super upbeat song about falling in love plays on full blast while the ammu geleng-geleng kepala to the beat, and all these stupid sappy movies about boy meets girl, girl meets boy, one of em die, boohoohaahaa, too bad, the end.

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? it's just love, not oxygen. we can go without. take it and shove it.

wow look at me. 19 and already a bitter old hag. pessismistic, isn't that just wonderful?

i'm not always this way. i swear i'm not.

but i'm telling you it's not worth it. tipu lah saya tak pernah minat orang. memang menipu. orang yang alimah sejati tudung labuh hingga ke lantai pun i'll bet my every genih mesti pernah terdetik or tercrush kat orang lain. you betcha. but how we deal with these feelings differ from one person to the other.

some people just run with it. heck why not? bercinta je pun, normal tu. bukankah lebih mudah? bukankah lebih indah? honestly, kadang-kadang jeles kot tengok kawan-kawan yg ber-boyfriend. subuh, boyfriend wake up call kan, padahal kita susah-susah berusaha sedaya upaya nak bangun sendiri pasang alarm sampai 2-3. nak angkat barang berat/pindah barang, boyfriend boleh tolong angkatkan, kita terkontang-kanting angkat sendiri. and sometimes just sometimes, perhaps in the dead silence of the night you feel absolutely alone even though you're sharing this planet with 6.7 billion others.

i miss my past. i miss my could-have-beens. i miss spending my days doing absolutely nothing but wasting my time away in some cinema watching movies all day long. or just melanguk kat mall tak buat apa. or socializing till my feet hurts and i have to go home.

tapi sampai bila? sampai bila nak macam tu? sikit demi sikit kita kene berubah. takkan dah tua kerepot pun masih nak bersocial tak ingat dunia. though i personally haven't been in a relationship before, but i can't tell you i've never been pressured to be in one. i'm human too. i have feelings. but i also have brains. bahagia ke hidup bertukar-tukar boyfriends macam tukar baju? bahagia ke dengar dia bagi kata-kata manis diabetes but deep down knowing with a nudging feeling that he could've said the same thing to another girl perhaps in the not so far past. tak rasa degraded ke? call it pompous girl pride, but i would not want to stoop that low. i am above that.

don't take me as a preacher, cos i'm not one. i am as much as a confused girl/boy as you are. i go back and forth on my decisions, takes or stands; in a constant debate with self. but i choose Islam. and with all my humble prayers i ask to God to keep me to His path and not lead me astray or go back and forth when i've clasp the rope tight.

Allah has said in the Glorious Book: Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang berkata, "Tuhan kami adalah Allah" kemudian mereka meneguhkan pendirian mereka, maka malaikat-malaikat akan turun kepada mereka (dengan berkata) "Janganlah kamu merasa takut dan janganlah kamu bersedih hati; dan bergembiralah kamu dengan (memperoleh) syurga yang telah dijanjikan kepadamu" [Al-Fussilat:41]

i choose Islam. yes, it's a less glamorous life. you don't get wooed by guys, you don't get boyfriend's giving you chocolates or anything as cheesy and stereotypical as that. heck, some girlfriends might even ditch you cause this club's for two's, they say. you're not invited to the party. sorry. #foreveralone. sad. of course you are.

but wipe away those tears, love. for Allah Himself has promised you "To not fear, to not be plagued by sadness" for He has things far more rewarding and fulfilling in store for those who believe & obey. isn't that comforting enough?

a woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him to find her. masyaAllah. isn't that just so beautiful?

you wanna know/feel what love is? then bask in your mother's love. she was the one who'd give everything and anything, even her life, as long as you would be alive and healthy. your father, the one who wouldn't hesitate to work the extra hours just so he could bring back something to make you smile.

what about our Islamic heroes? haven't they taught us enough about love? Mus'ab bin Umair for instance. who had the whole world before him. Mus'ab bin Umair was a very handsome young man with blue eyes. He was the son of Umair, a wealthy man who brought up his son in a quite luxurious fashion. Mus'ab enjoyed the best food, the finest dress, and the best scents. Whenever Mus'ab passed through the streets, dressed in precious clothes and profusely perfumed, the sweet smell scented the atmosphere all around and the people gazed at him with amazement and appreciation. His beauty and charm was the talk of the town.

Whenever the Prophet Muhammad talked of him, he said, "There is nobody more handsome in Makkah than Mus'ab. There is no person in the city better clothed and fed than Mus'ab. There is no child brought up with more affection and love than him"

But guess what? he gave it all up for Islam. Everything.

and he died in the battle of Uhud. Prophet Muhammad addressed his dead body thus: "When i saw you for the first time in Makkah there was nobody more handsome and well-dressed than you. But, I see that today your hair is uncombed and only a sheet of cloth covers your body!"

The dead of Uhud could not get proper shrouds because in those days Muslims were poor and lacked money. Mus'ab bin Umair had only a sheet of cloth over his body; if the head was covered, the feet were bare and when the feel were covered the head was left bare.

i can't describe how sad i was when i came to learn this story. i was sobbing myself to sleep kot. cerita pearl harbour satu titik mata pun takde effect on me, but this story has moved me beyond compare. THIS, i tell you my friends is love. and this is only the tip of the iceberg. banyak lagi cerita/contoh seperti ini.

this post is NOT a personal attack upon anybody. this is just a place for me to think and rethink and rethink this issue which i believe is also dancing around everybody's mind too. i am learning. i am trying to improve. i am trying and giving my best in hopes that one day all this cloud of confusion would go away :)

so how old are you now?

2011-07-07T21:58:00.000-07:00

well, i'm 19. at least physically i am.

but my level of maturity or the way i think sometimes parallel to one of a five-year old.

and that's scary, cause 2 years from now, i'll be deemed as a fully-grown young adult, responsible of making mature choices and will be held responsible by law for every action i do.

2 years. that's 12 months. 365 days. 8760 hours.

i thought 5 years was a long time. but look, i've long left tkc and those 5 years seemed to fly by so fast.

so 2 years? not quite classified into the 'far unseen future' files, aye?

i'm in a debate with myself. i am always in a constant debate with myself.

to eat or not to eat? to sleep or not? nak mandi ke tak mandi? haih

so the latest one is a not quite a trivial one. should we (students, under 21 years of legal age) get involved with politics and the likes of it?

i saw on tv astro awani rasanya a debate about this, but i didn't stay long enough to get enough input, cause apparently channel disney was showing my favourite cartoon movie, mulan. and that was more interesting, i decided.

but i did notice someone watching with me comment, "haa tengok tu, melayu je duduk sibuk-sibuk nak berpolitik time belajar, orang cina, india semua tengah sibuk study nak dapat 4flat". what he/she said was true and interesting, but i'll keep that issue for another day.

some may agree with what that person, muda-muda takyah berpolitik, nanti dah 21 haa, pergi lah vote and get involved etc.

but it just occured to me, what if people have a shallow, almost equivalent to zilch knowledge about the world of politics like me? takkan nak tunggu sampai 21 baru ambil kisah. knowledge on these things don't take overnight to acquire. i mean like, "look i'm 20 years and 364 days, and the clock strikes 12, ABRACADABRA! i'm 21, adult, knows politics and fully-competent to vote. yippie yehuuuuu"

get my point?

shouldn't we start building a basic foundation from now? so why is it such a taboo for students to discuss politics (professionally mind you, jangan lah emotionally. emotionally memang tak jalan. membawa perpecahan). if we can discuss freely about religion and also about kim kardashian's latest scandals etc openly, why can't we discuss intellectually about politics aye?

just my two cents. what you say aah?

maybe we should all go back to Islam. and it's view on politics. that way, we won't go astray?

p/s: i'm so chronically-impaired in the latest going-ons of the political world that initially i thought that BERSIH was a campaign to get the streets and public toilets cleaned. i mean, why get so heated about a hygiene campaign? bhahaha.

p/p/s: ada hati nak vote eh lisa? you can't even decide nak minum/makan apa whenever gi makan kat kedai makan -.-

well, maybe i wouldn't understand.

2011-06-20T15:32:00.002-07:00

*gambar hiasan semata-mata

i've never been attached to a pet. heck, i actually have a FEAR of animals. so i really wouldn't know how it feels to lose your pet to death. but i guess it's hard. as solid hard as my heart is, i won't lie about not feeling my heart break when eng told me the story of how her old cat died of feline leukemia. there's something about the pet-owner relationship that i can't describe (cos i never had a pet) but i can obviously see it. deaths are hard to deal with. but that's the circle of life. living creatures die. shoes/clothes wear out. things go missing (i would certainly know -.-) and all good or bad things come to an end. nothing is permanent. well, at least, not in this life. so learn to enjoy the phase you're in, but don't mourn when that phase passes by, cause know that there are more phases to come. like what i heard in one of those House episodes; life is a series of rooms. learn to live through one room at a time each day. till we finally die & meet our Creator & reach that room whose door read's 'Welcome Home'. (ok, part last tu bukan dr house cakap. tu tambah sendiri)

just a short post. cause i felt like blogging. pray for my exams. this is indeed a very suffocating room i am in at this phase of life right now -.- doa dipermudahkanlah. amin.

random facts you need not really know about

2011-06-13T02:35:00.001-07:00

*On average, at least, at this very moment, 15 people likes you. like REALLY likes you.

*20% of people do not have the palmaris longus tendon.

*The English word "girl" used to describe a younger person of either sex before it was used to refer specifically to a female child at the beginning of the sixteenth century.

*When a male whale ejaculates, only 20% of the sperm will enter the female whale, the 80% goes into the sea. and we wonder why the sea is so salty..... erk!

*Marilyn Monroe had eleven toes

*Walt Disney was afraid of mice

*In almost every country worldwide, the life expectancy for women are higher than men.

*Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors

*96% of candles that are purchased are by women

*some insects can live up to a year without their heads

*The spot on '7UP' comes from its inventor who had red eyes. he was albino.

*Chocolate kills dogs! It's true, chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system. A few ounces are enough to kill a small-sized dog.

*Ketchup was sold in 1830s as medicine

*There are no words in the dictionary that rhymes with orange, purple or silver.

*Cat's urine glow under a black light.

*Deaf people have safer driving records than hearing people.

*35% of people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

*A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why

*Only 1 person in 2 billion, will live to be 116 or older.

*Michael Jordan makes more money annually, than all of Nike's factory workers in Malaysia combined.

that weekend you broke my heart

2011-06-01T17:59:00.000-07:00

but you didn't even know it.

that's alright. i wish you well. i'll land on my feet, i always do.

i'll be alright. but not tonight.

Miss 'No Way, It's All Good'

2011-05-26T06:14:00.000-07:00

i grow up in a family where we're not afraid to speak our mind. i've been thought since young to 'say what you need to say'. it's not wrong to say what you feel or to actually have an opinion. it's when you don't have one; that's a problem.

and i've always grown up that way. with brutal honesty. when i don't like something, i'll express it as passionately as i'd express my liking towards a certain thing. and it's good that i'm honest. at least people don't count on me to sugarcoat facts or deliver false notions.

but along the way, i've hurt so many people with my words, that much i've realised. i can't stand living with the fact that this very razor-sharp tongue has cut through so many hearts that i care enough to be honest for.

and acceptance of my weakness. that's not easy. addressing you have a problem is the first step. and overcoming it is the other. i resorted to silence myself. whenever i feel like saying how i feel, i abruptly shut up and let those feelings eat me up inside.

an eye for an eye. how is it okay to not hurt other people's feelings yet you hurt your own? it doesn't seem like a fair trade to me. so really, you shut up, you don't shut up... it doesn't really matter. nobody wins. heck, whatever i do, i lose.

i really don't know myself anymore. i'm growing into a weakling. when i disagree or disapprove of a certain matter, i don't say 'i don't like that. please stop doing that', instead; i cry. people say, don't bottle up inside, but when we do tell, they judge. or they really just don't care. cause nobody likes getting caught up in drama. nobody likes seeing the vulnerable side of you. they're only there to join in the fun when you're at your peak, but when the party's over, they leave and you're left there to sort out your mess, alone.

i don't like living this way either - in misery. beating yourself up just because you can't beat others up cause you're so worried about THEIR feelings, THEIR best interests. you know what? i believe it's time for a revolution. stay out of the way. go do what makes you happy. mingle around people that brings out the best in you. go find that happiness, cause others won't just come over and hand it over to you wrapped in a little nice box tied with a red ribbon.

i am entitled to choose my life. i choose to be happy.

i choose to eliminate the negative things in my life.

i choose to win my life back

techno knockback

2011-05-20T09:25:00.000-07:00

dammit

i wish to disappear for awhile

2011-05-07T08:25:00.001-07:00

and i hope everybody will respect that decision and don't question why. i have my reasons

aku yang kau tinggalkan

2011-05-01T13:22:00.000-07:00

ahahahaha lol no. gambar hiasan sahaja.

buku 'meniti kaca' pun terseksa nak habis. ahaha

food, stop invading my life

2011-04-28T09:26:00.000-07:00

exam season. want to cook something fast fast.

so cook nasi goreng lah. nasi goreng hotdog. and telur dadar with pepperoni.

see, carrot! tak pandai masak pun. biasa biasa saja.

note below : carrot is my friend's nickname.

i'm not actually asking you to spot a carrot in the above picture.

he who must not be named

2011-04-23T07:58:00.000-07:00

BLANK.

One must not reveal too much

Lesson of the day

you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime you find, you get what you need.

2011-04-18T11:05:00.000-07:00

it's official. i've turned into a superbly boring person. i don't read any other books that don't have words like oxaloacetate or dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane in it. i don't get updated with the latest going-ons. i don't listen to the latest music. i don't follow the latest series. i don't watch the latest movies that hit cinemas either. heck, i'm having troubles keeping up with my own studies to be bothered by other social stuff.

but i kinda miss my couch potato days. a lot. but these are the things you do to realise dreams. painful as maybe aye?

but all work and no play makes jack a dull boy eh? i try to watch a little bit of movie or tv series at least ONCE a week. and right now i'm onto glee.

and it's the highlight of my week. sometimes when i feel extremely agitated or down i watch reruns of my favourite scenes. again and again. it may not be my favourite tv series but it's all that i'm watching now.

and you know how when you watch a movie or read a novel you can relate to the characters in it? well, in glee too, i do.

MERCEDES

she may got the attitude and try to put on a strong front but at the end of the day she's just like everybody else; plagued with insecurities. i know sometimes i try to go all macho and independent but deep down i'm not as confident as i look. heck, these past years has been deteriorating to my self-confidence. i miss those days when i actually genuinely WAS confident but i find what i'm going through now very humbling. Alhamdulillah.

SUE SYLVESTER

this much i believe. after watching so many stories. villains have a human side too. cos afterall we are human. we've all got that monster inside of us, and a human-counterpart too. so never judge a person based on his/her negative attitude cause we don't know what made them to react that way. there's always more layers to a person than what we see. truth be told, sue sylvester is my favourite character on glee. her lines are all catchy and spot on, kudos to the scriptwriters. and i absolutely cried during her scenes with her disabled sister. so heart-warming.

QUINN

in my eyes, the strong one. i would've crumbled if i was the one getting pregnant, thrown out of the house and off the cheerios. i relate to her, cause i have my own regrets too. maybe not in a i-got-pregnant-and-i'm-having-a-baby regret kind of way, but regrets nevertheless. we all screw up. but keep reminding ourselves that, this too shall pass. most importantly, how you hold up during your most crumbling of times truly defines who you are.

EMMA

i like her innocent schoolgirl-like personality. truly appealing. i can relate to her being forced upon Ken Tanaka cause i'm constantly being forced onto things and people i don't like. i know how hard it feels to set your sights on the best but ending up having to settle for second best, or worse. it's also disheartening having to accept and be happy and contented with a certain situation but deep down in your heart, it just doesn't feel right. no optimistic plastic wide smile or amount of fervent nodding of false agreement can change that fact right?

RACHEL

her ke-beriya-an scares me. and LOL my ke-beriya-an scares other people too. sometimes i get too enthusiastic or upbeat about a certain thing or project that i scare the people around me off. in a very turn-off kind of way. and i don't like that. i'm just enthusiastic, don't look at me as if i'm Rachel Berry. i just like doing things whole-heartedly, you know ? (ayat ini tidak boleh diaplikasikan kepada membaca buku pelajaran). dan juga i can't stand or work with a team that has no lines of authority. you better take the reins, fast, or i'll have to take it myself. i'm not gila kuasa but sometimes certain situations force me to step up to the plate.

and i also love glee because of the eye candies in it. sam :) and the other asian guy :D need i say more ?

a house is not a home - chris colfer

2011-04-08T06:03:00.000-07:00

thank you. i cherish those magic moments when i'm around people that i love and make me happy the most. though brief and infrequent, but i live for these short moments where we just take a breather and time off from our frustrating lives we live. or at least that applies to one of us. you people make me happy, thank you. that's the best gift anyone can give another :)

true to my word

2011-04-06T12:38:00.001-07:00

sebelum tido kita marinate. mata dah mengantuk, tapi ku terus jua. *yawn yawn* left overnight.

habis kelas, kita golek-golek, lepak-lepak, menung-menung lepas tu kita masak!

cuba try test, daging dah lembut ke belum. cucuk cucuk cucuk

let's jom rebus kentang and make mash potato :D

pizza kedai spicy. ni back-up plan. takut-takut steak tak sedap, housemates mogok taknak makan, spicy penyelamat dunia :D (padahal memang kempunan pizza spicy pun :P lol)

tadaaaaa. boleh lah tu. for an amateur like me.

the kuah iz awh-semmmm lah jugak. maaf. dah makan lebih separuh baru ingat nak tangkap gamba :P hey, i was hungry okay? puasaaaa

next project? pizza :) siap bbm ngan ibu lagi mintak resipi. miahahaha

sorry. my life is boring. it revolves mainly around studying and food. and i find much joy in the latter :D toodles noodles

where the west, was all but won

2011-04-03T12:20:00.000-07:00

today i cooked, pasta herbs and garlic. and potato salad. it was YUMMAYH, thank god. good job nawar :)

tomorrow izzati's gonna do fish and chips :)

and come wednesday i'm gonna attempt to do steak :)

semangat tak? hahaha. haaaa bak mai recipe best best :D

hello how are you i'm fine thank you

2011-03-31T11:25:00.000-07:00

i wake up

i switch alarm off

i go back to sleep

i wake up again

i panic

i pray

i sit

i stare

i boil water

i bathe

i get dressed

i wait

i walk

i reach school

i sit

i listen

i take notes

i yawn

i try to keep awake

i walk back

i pray

i nap

i revise

i wash

i play guitar

i pray

i cook

i eat

i learn arabic

i read a chapter of a book

i pray

i study

i bbm

i check twitter

i daydream

i pray

i read alquran

i eat vitamins

i plan

i set alarm

i sleep

i dream

i wake up again

and it goes on :/

100 things

2011-03-26T02:50:00.000-07:00

1. my definition of a good flight is sleeping all 10 hours (or for how long the flight is) and only waking up for meals.

2. i can be euphoric in one minute and utterly depressed in another.

3. i always say i'm craving for a rollercoaster ride or themepark adventure but once i reach there i chicken out and feel like i'm gonna pee. ahahaha

4. i'm quite shy. as loud and boisterous sometimes i may be, i always blush and act awkward or self-conscious infront of the camera.

5. i miss my friends. terribly. whether it be tkc friends, or sekolah rendah or petrosains etc. no matter how bad i wanna go back to those days i know we can never truly be at the same crossroads we once were cos things have changed and people change too. somebody needs to invent the time machine, fast. so we can revisit our past as we like.

6. cita-cita baru. i wanna be more of a lady. in dressing, in ways, everything. ok, don't laugh. or i'll virtually shoot you with my dagger eyes.

7. usually, whenever i feel envy, awe comes along too. combo pack

8. the things i'm scared the most are nudity and human contact. yet i'm taking medicine. fffffffffffff

9. i listen to all kinds of music. or at least i force myself to. cos i believe in giving everything and everyone an equal shot. ahahaha

10. i want boots. all these egypt people wearing em everywhere. terasa nak jugak. mengundangggg

11. i vow to online once a week je except bila time cuti. so if you see me at the online box time hari sekolah, pls feel free to virtually sepuk me.

12. i have just started minat-ing korea. thanks to nawar and sister. LOL

13. i am disturbed by violent/sick movies. i just can't get those visions out of my head. it's not much of the terror, it's the disgust i just can't handle.

14. to those who make fun of people who watch korean/japanese blablabla stuff, lemme ask you, you're asian too right? i watch western dramas too, but i equally enjoy asian stuff too. nothing wrong with that :D heck, if i faham arabic, i might even start watching egyptian movies here. LOL

15. i suck in games or sports. but i try anyway :D

16. my bed is my bestfriend. i spend waaaay too much time with it. i need a solution.

17. i absolutely love japanese food.

18. i really wish we had more japanese restaurants here in egypt. haih.

19. my favourite colour is according to the phase i'm in. one time it was black. then it was orange. then it was red. now it's lime green :)

20. i've always wanted to colour my hair bright orange. or neon green. or striking purple. ahaha, but don't worry. 'want' je bukan buat betul betul :)

21. i love it when it rains.

22. i don't know how to take good pictures but i wanna learn how. dslr satu? miahahahaha

23. i'm not scared of the dark. i actually love it! :D

24. i love black forest cake :)

25. i like psychedelic patterns

26. i spent my earth hour last year having a heart to heart session with friends at klcc park

27. i love the character of sue sylvester in glee. her lines are so catchy :)

28. i'm scared of all kinds of animals.

29. i miss those times when i was a couch potato.

30. i find it hard to get out of bed cause first, i don't wanna get out of the nice dream i'm having or second, i don't wanna wake up from a nightmare to go into another.

31. i am mesmerised by the seas of alexandria

32. i'd like to learn how to speak arabic and french

33. contrary to popular believe, i don't post everything and anything about my life here.

34. i co-wrote my batch's song 'it's you that feels like home' with qarl :) i hope i can pen down more

35. i am a malaysian studying in the land of pharaohs.

36. i talk a lot. sometimes it scares people off

37. thinking back of school days both depress and excite me :D

38. i love ice cream. or asam. or any other unhealthy food.

39. i have never coupled. good on you, mate!

40. i'm okay with people liking my status/photo/etc on facebook. but it creeps me out when the same guy obsessively rape the like button again and again. a guy i'm not even close to, that is.

41. i don't understand bahasa kias-kias. cakap direct je senang. cos i'm a cuckoo-head.

42. i have a relationship with youtube

43. i can be a good listener

44. i love trying out new hobbies. i can't be tied down to one.

45. daydreaming before sleep helps me sleep.

46. i own gossip girl season 2 dvd

47. i am an extremist. if i'm determined and hard-working, then i really am. but if i'm lazy, i go all out.

48. i love coldplay. and generally a lot of other bands.

49. sometimes i can't explain why i behave or feel a certain way. sometimes the answer is 'just because'

50. i wanna be so rich someday that i when i walk into a store, i can just buy anything without even looking at the price tag.

51. favourite chore : lipat baju. ahahaha

52. i really love fruit juices

53. tumblr is the only place i let loose. other places i hold back a little

54. my previous phone got soaked at my 18th pool party cos a stranger just came and threw me in the pool.

55. i sometimes cringe out of the blue cos embarrassing moments come rushing into my mind at the most awkward moments. lol

56. i like animal prints.

57. i like to joke around about marrying a nigerian coursemate. but some people's taking it seriously :O

58. i want a holiday with my family. everyone's so busy with school and work.

59. i love sunflowers and daisies

60. i want to go back to edinburgh someday. it's so beautiful.

61. i love mark salling

62. i like being asked random questions cos i like randomness but at times i get stumped.

63. i'm an owl. nocturnal by nature.

64. i haven't once watch a movie in the cinemas here. my friends have.

65. i think finn hudson in glee has that stupid face. i don't go crazy over it. but i agree it's kinda adorable.

66. i love kids. they used to annoy the hell out of me. used to.

67. i sometimes wish i had a slightly tanned skin. that'll look healthier than this porcelain pale skin of mine.

68. i'd really love to study/live in uk. london specifically.

69. bad internet connection stresses me out. times like these i wish i was home.

70. i don't wear make-up

71. i love those times when boybands ruled the world

72. i purposely type or speak with bad grammer just for sarcasm's sake. but it's becoming a habit and taking a toll on my language. yikess :S

73. i don't smoke.

74. i'm craving for waffles and ice cream right now. yummmm

75. i enjoy learning how to cook. but i'm not a good cook. note that.

76. i sleep with a lot of pillows

77. favourite pizza? classified chicken from dominoes :)

78. i hate it when people make fun of me posting pictures of food. i like to eat. so deal with it.

79. i love having a good time with my girlfriends. hoes over bros. when guys get in the picture, it gets ugly :/ hmmm

80. current song stuck in my head: pardon me - he is we

81. i only eat certain parts of a chicken. susah jadi picky ni. ahaha

82. i love my family. though sometimes i don't show it.

83. i try to be nice at all times but sometimes i can behave like a total monster, ahaha.

84. i like doing nothing. really :) i find much joy in doing just that.

85. i miss my setiawangsa days. i used to memberontak sebab kene duduk shah alam.

86. my feet are mysteriously itchy. it only happens when i'm in egypt. macam mana niiii

87. i still watch cartoons

88. i wish i could videocam my life. i don't wanna miss a thing :D

89. i like doing chores with the music on

90. i don't crush or like a person easily

91. my bed bends like a kuali. is that good for my backbone? didn't think so.

92. i like eating salad.

93. still soul-searching

94. i love snorkeling. rasa nak pergi balik pulau kapas.

95. i feel left out on the happenings of the world when i'm here.

96. i have that weird smile that jijah loves to point out as 'the lisa smile'

97. i once had a crush on a chinese guy. no, i'm not telling who :P

98. i don't support LGBT

99. i love the culture of the people in UK. but not their nightlife though

100. i love caramel latte :D

the making of a lady

2011-03-24T14:18:00.001-07:00

hello

2011-03-24T05:45:00.000-07:00

don't think just cause you read my blog, you know me.

bye

saya nak sihat dan kuat!

2011-03-22T12:22:00.000-07:00

konon nya kali ni nak a pursuit of a healthy lifestyle. ahahaha, tapi skipping rope beli bawak sini pun tak untangle lagi. ahahaha

but i did make a first step. ordering salad, instead of that big juicy burger at hardees.

tapi lihat lah the salad i got!

gila tak? heroes chef's salad. roasted beef, turkey and cheddar.

i was shocked! kenyang gilaaaaaa. layaaaan.

preparation ala2 subway lah, but sangat lamaaaaaaaa tunggu orang tu teliti betul decorate2 ahaha

and i'm drinking milk now. dengan harapan boleh meninggi lagi. can or not? i'm already already nineteen (so hard for me to say nineteen. masih dalam alam eighteen, hurmphhh)

here's to a new healthier beginning! AHAHAH

i swear i could see her ovaries

2011-03-21T09:38:00.000-07:00

currently watching glee, season 1. saja nak tengok balik sementara got time ni :)

baru je tengok 'showmance' tadi.

i must say Glee promotes a lot of gay pride. hmm.

parents rachel pun nak gay.

si kurt tu pun nak gay.

well, i guess seiring lah dengan isu semasa.

which bugs me cause it reminds me that we're living in a twisted society

where little boys wanna be little girls. sigh.

and a lot of sex elements too in this series (sama je dengan series yang lain pun)

JACOB: I think I’m gonna kill myself. I’m serious.

We’re bombarded with sexual imagery every day- Beer ads, those short skirts.

I’m supposed to be surrounded by temptation- Not be able to do anything about it?

exactly our modern day problem. too much sex elements on tv.

no wonder we have so many cases of teen sex problems and rapes going on.

the media is to be blamed!

but i gotta say, i love the scriptwriters of Glee. the lines are so catchy !

PUCK: Are you kidding? Those skirts are crunchy toast.

Santana Lopez bent over in hers the other day, and I swear I could see her ovaries.

and i also took the liberty to google and wikipedia all the casts from Glee.

ahaha, i'm serious when i say i have a googling addiction problem.

many a times when watching a movie/drama, i'll pause and go google.

that's why i always watch my movies on my laptop, alone.

cos i'll annoy the crap out of anybody willing enough to endure watching with me, haha.

well, i'll be running along now.

i figure i need to study a bit to ease the guilt of me-lagha-ing a lot.

so toodles noodles :)

all i want for my birthday is you :)

2011-03-20T11:53:00.000-07:00

tak payah susah-susah baca. ni post penuh tamak haloba je :P

i want a ringan travel telekung colour hijau like the one i borrowed from eng. essential!

i want books yang ilmiah for me to read. i need to read! otak sangat tak berkembang bang bang

i want a lime green bedspread with little dinosaurs printed all over it. why? err just because. i wanna be reminded that i can still be a kid. growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional :)

i want that owl necklace that i see everyone wearing.

i want an ipad. miahahahaha

i want my old creative zen mp3 back. yes :( the one i lost on the bus back from tanta

i want a beatles t-shirt. or any tee designs from the music video D.A.N.C.E- Justice. way too cool!

i want an all-expense paid trip to somewhere. anywhere. preferably kat egypt jugak. sebab maluuuu study kat sini tapi tak pernah visit pyramid sphinx semua tu.

i want to spend a moment, a second, a minute, an hour, a day, a month, a year, a lifetime with my loved ones :)

i want durian. and other fruits galore :D

i want to be more of a lady. so buy me lady-ish stuff. LOL, this is certainly revolutionary! :D

i want to do sports. even though i suck in all of em. ahaha

i need another preoccupation. the graphics of 'human centipede' is still stuck in my mind. sick movie!!!!! baru tengok trailer je baru -.-"

i want to sedut semua series yang best best. cepat mengaku sapa ada all seasons of HIMYM, House, Glee, Bones etc

i want a video cam :D

i want to go to a theme park and ride on thrill rides! dream park anyone?

i want boots. doc martens

i want an oversized belt. to go with the oversized white shirt auntie sarah gave me :)

i want to fly first-class :)

i want new sneakers for class. cause one can never get enough :P

say Alhamdulillah

2011-03-19T13:24:00.000-07:00

*i'm glad that i don't have jet lag. Alhamdulillah

*i really enjoy having deep conversations with mimi :)

*i feel very productive lately. Alhamdulillah

*i believe what you learn in life is waaay more important than what you learn in the textbooks

*i fear of the twisted screwed society our world has become. even in the Islamic community. let's right what's wrong. and not live in Allah's wrath. InsyaAllah

*but i need to wake up earlier and begin my mornings early. duduk sini, jadi perangai sama dengan arab pulak. bangun nak lambat aje. kalau bangun awal pun still golek golek. haih.

*cause there's tons of things to be done. house-cleaning number one on my list.

*nikmat masa lapang digunakan dengan sebaiknya. Alhamdulillah

*selalu aje lapar. tapi malas pulak nak keluar beli makanan or beli barang nak masak. brave through the kelaparan. yes, lisa, sometimes you have to learn to do without. bravo clap clap

*i feel deceived. i feel worried. i feel unrest. may Allah prevail me the truth and guide me in the correct path, insyaAllah

*it is kinda lonely not having a lot of malaysians around. but it's also very calming and peaceful

*i decide i need to tweet less. just because. practising self-restraint is always a good thing, no?

*i need to equip myself with a lot of knowledge to face oncoming adversities in life. if i fight for the truth, then i need to know the truth. so that i can be a leader in showing the right way and not ending up dispensing faux facts.

*it's okay if you sometimes don't understand what i'm talking about. i'm vague that way :P

*i need to get rid of negativities in life. if you see a negativity repellent please kindly tell me. thank you.

*rasa tenang sangat lately. Alhamdulillah. worrying is tiring. and that's something i always do :/ so it's rare i feel this way. Alhamdulillah. an early birthday present i guess :)

40 kgs. because i'm an opportunist :P

2011-03-18T11:26:00.000-07:00

haaa, see. i wasn't joking when i said

i wanted to bring a kuali back to egypt.

bukan satu kuali tapi DUA okay? ahaha.

harapan menggunung agar skill-skill memasak bertambah mantap

dengan wujudnya kuali-kuali orang asia :D

no, not interested. not now, not ever.

2011-03-13T08:51:00.000-07:00

*jangan terkejut dengan the sudden outburst of postings from this blog. tengah cuti boleh lah. not for long though. nanti back to hectic life, this place will become a dead land once again :)

*me and my heart we got issues, don't know if i should hate you or miss you :) -the saturdays, issues. #lyrics

*watched Austin Powers in Goldmember just now :) i laughed my head off although i've watched it one too many times. i need more funny movies in my system right now. antidote.

*when i like something or somebody, it'll take a very very long time for the spell to wear off. you can say i'm very faithful :) that's how i stuck with my stupid blog url for so long! bhahaha. lyfegoesoninlyssaville. tak boleh lagi kanak kanak ke?

*cita-cita kecil baru. nak start beli baju besar-besar from now on. not to say i wear ketat clothes, but not very perfect lah kalau in menutup aurat tu. nak buang baju lama, sayang juga. so ni cita-cita effective starts from now. hmm. siapa kata perubahan tu senang.

*i'm thinking of you, i wonder if you're thinking of me too? i don't need direct communication nor an official relationship. just the assuring quiet understanding that we love each other because of Allah. no other malice intentions :) love is a wonderful thing, if we use it properly. loads of love to all my brothers and sisters :)

*i've always thought i'm ugly, a loser & inadequate. but i have friends and family who make it a point to prove me wrong, and that i am indebted for. i should have more self-esteem. i should shoo away negativity and welcome positivity.

*i am inspired by Aron Ralston. he is such a survivor. go watch 127 hours if you haven't. but it got me wondering, in desperate times like that, would i resort to drinking my own urine? disgusting and unthinkable, but most survivors of situations like his, have resorted to that. what would make me decide any other way? and lol yes, i did google this urine dilemma up. i have a googling addiction problem -.-"

*i need to go buy stuff and get ready to go back to egypt. stat. jangan ber-last minute wahai lisaaaaaaa.

*this has been a non-productive day and it has been this way for quite a little while. dang, i need to collect myself and set things straight again and get the ball rolling again. hmmm.

right now, i'm really hoping that i ............

2011-03-12T11:52:00.000-08:00

pass my exams, the very least. i DO NOT want to go through repeating any modules, especially module 2 (module berisiko tinggi utk repeat) . ya Allah, i'm really hoping with all my heart that You'll help me out on this one (and many other things. i really can't get through anything without Your Mercy, Your Blessings & Your Love)

kalau ditakdirkan i have to repeat, then grant me, Ya Allah, the strength to go on and never give up. shower me with all the hikmah i can get out of this adversity. and if i do pass, alhamdulillah, jauhlah diri ini dari segala perasaan takbur dan riak. and grant me the feeling of dependency towards You not only during times of calamity, but also during times of ease.

ya Allah, of all the modules i want to pass, Your 'Module of Life' is what matters most to me. grant me Mumtaz in that module, in this life & the afterlife, fi dunya wa akhirah. Insya Allah.

yayyy geng kita sudah balik :D

2011-03-11T07:46:00.000-08:00

there's gonna be one less lonely girl :) ni geng cartoon dengan squash kita. ahahaha

good things come for those who wait

2011-03-10T04:14:00.000-08:00

if it doesn't, WAIT LONGER

yesterday was a very good experience for me to learn the fine and delicate art of sabar. the only way to test your endurance and patience is to just put yourself out there and brace it with a smile and an open heart :) it was also very amusing seeing full-grown adults lose it and act irrationally. funny, err a bit. ingat, sesungguhnya Allah mengangkat darjat orang yang bersabar. and also, yes, good things come for those who wait. truth be told, i was ready to go home anytime and just couldn't be bothered. but i'm glad i stayed cause now i'm rm500 richer! hu yeah! ok, no. its not about the money, it really isn't. it's a lesson learnt for the day. that's most important. sabar itu cantik, sabar itu handsome, sabar itu best. two thumbs up for sabarness :)

pinky and the brain

2011-03-09T08:28:00.000-08:00

my cousin's playing chess

truth : i do not play chess. well, i DON'T know how actually.

lol yes give me that big L on the forehead. i'mma loser.

i never bothered to learn..

or maybe my brain's not cut out enough to play brainy stuff like this?

ahahaha

life says 'yes' and gives you GOOD, says 'no' and gives you BETTER, says 'wait' and gives you THE BEST

2011-03-07T09:04:00.000-08:00

because i was jobless

2011-03-06T02:54:00.000-08:00

and bored. so i fooled around on facebook and took dr phil's personality test.

When do you feel your best?

*in the morning

*late at night

*during the afternoon and early evening

You usually walk.......

*very slowly

*less fast, head down

*less fast, head up; looking the world in the face

*fairly fast, with little steps

*fairly fast, with long steps

When talking to people you...........

*play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

*touch or push the person to whom you're talking

*have one or both your hands on your hips

*have your hands clasped

*stand with your arms folded

When relaxing, you sit with.........

*your legs crossed

*your legs stretched out or straight

*one leg curled under you

*your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side

When something really amuses you, you react with.........

*big appreciative laugh

*a quiet chuckle

*a sheepish smile

*a laugh, but not a loud one

When you go to a party or a social gathering you..........

*make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know

*make a loud entrance so everyone notices you

*make the quietest entrance, trying to say unnoticed

You're working very hard, concentrating, and you're interrupted. you.......

*vary between these two extremes

*feel extremely irritated

*welcome the break

Which of the following colours do you like most?

*red or orange

*green

*dark blue or purple

*white

*black

*yellow or light blue

In bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep, you're.......

*on your side, slightly curled

*with your head under the covers

*with your head on one arm

*stretched out face down on your stomach

*stretched out on your back

You often dream that you are....

*falling

*fighting or struggling

*searching for something or somebody

*flying or floating

*you usually have dreamless sleep

*your dreams are always pleasant

the verdict?

the vain, self-centered leader

others see you as someone they should 'handle with care.' you're seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely dominant. others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you

oh my. i'm really like that eh?

tak tau lah sejauh mana kesasihan (kesahihan?) dr phil ni,

tapi i EXTREMELY DEEPLY apologise if i'm like that

and cause ke-sakithati-an to people. sorry :(

i'll try to change, i really will. slowly but surely.

maybe banyak lagi bad traits yg i myself tak realise,

so feel free to tegur tegur.

and i may be a bit defensive (another bad trait)

so better if tegur anonymously kot.

kat comment box tepi tu ke, formspring ke.

more than welcome to. ok? :)

thanks in advance

take me to the place that you go, where nobody knows, if its night or day

2011-03-05T01:34:00.000-08:00

i want a Ji Hoo (from Boys Over Flowers). heck, every girl needs a Ji Hoo.

i want a Chris Medina (from American Idol S10) who wouldn't?

i want to instill the reading habit in me once more. these days i doze off at merely the second page. third, if i'm lucky.

i want all these cats to get away from my house. they scare me. like a lot, a lot. D': sorry, i am a scaredy cat

i want to be back in school, going for band practices, practising english drama, prep-ing with friends.... sigh the list goes on.

i want to have no regrets. and make it out there. be somebody. anybody.

i want to genuinely feel good, ecstatic. its been a long time since :/

i want to stop eating! and lose weight. seriously. my cheeks can stretch all the way across china now. malaysia. y u do this to me T.T

i want to know that distance and time hasn't done anything to change us. not one bit. but that's not true either :/ not to sound all corny and cheesy, but memories are all we have. true that, true that.

i want to do something adrenaline-pumping, heart-racing, mind-refreshing, soul-awakening.... i basically need to get out of my routine and comfort zone. i crave for excitement. mundane does not look good on me, no?

i want to be a billionaire. so freakin baaaaaaaaad. ok lyrics. tak perlu sebenarnya :P

i want to set foot on many different countries in my lifetime. let's go backpacking!

i want a ___________ for my birthday (please fill in the blank)

i want to watch the last episode of boys over flower! geraaam. tinggal last episode and youtube decided to remove it due to infringement of rights? pffffffffft. all my efforts of finishing all 24 episodes gone down the toilet.

i want to be 9. rather than 19. dang, 25 days to go. i do feel old.

i want to have the history of egypt as a subject at my university. okay, that's unnecessary, and another paper i might just fail in, but wouldn't that be totally cool? :D

i want to be a fearless doctor (except to the Divine One). but i flinch when i see those gory photos on tumblr, let alone seeing a bloodied man being wheeled to emergency room. how the hell am i gonna make a doctor out of myself? -.-"

i want to get lost in that imaginary place without a care. and never be found.

i want to be pretty. ok wait. maybe i don't. this society's awfully superficial and plastic and twisted, i can't even define what's pretty anymore. seems like nothing is ever enough.

i want to not fear the future. but its so scary sometimes :S

and you've got a problem with that?

2011-03-03T00:07:00.000-08:00

yes i do eat a lot. yes i do love eating. yes i know i'm fat, so what is it to you?

i'm so starstruck. baby could you blow my heart up

2011-02-28T04:36:00.000-08:00

pffft lyrics.

i'm not feeling myself lately. i'm not one to indulge in celebrity crushing but lately i've been doing much of that.

*james franco

aaaa tak sabar nak tengok movie 127. nampak macam best.

plus with this handsome eye-candy as the lead actor.

i can't wait :)

*joseph gordon-levitt

i like him cause he seem's so boyishly squeaky clean. lol.

plus i've always loved 500 days of summer anyways.

a rare thing, cos i'm not into love movies that much.

*eminem

AHAHAHA, stupid childhood thing :) hok kecik lagi minat dia

LOL. laugh all you want, but 29,324,557 people agrees with me.

that many 'likes' on facebook, beating lady gaga yaww :)

*robert downey jr

aaah. walaupun tua tapi tetap macho dan bergayaaa :)

he's such a good actor too.

there's not a movie with him in it that i do not like.

plus ironman is my #1 superhero crush because of him!

*ed westwick

fuuyeaaah. ahaha. i HATED his guts at first.

mula-mula tengok gossip girl, all i could do was swear at him

cause he's such a casanova and i find him evilly annoying.

eng can vouch for that, i watched the first episode at her house.

tapi lama lama tertawaaaaaaaaaaan. ahaha. chuck bass FTW!

*lee min ho

*kim hyun joong

*taecyeon

*kim bum

*wooyoung

AHAHAHA why the sudden burst of korean artists in the list?

lol, i've never been the minat minat korea type

but lately i'm swept over by the wave too :)

baruuuu je start berjinak jinak, so i'm utterly a newbie.

currently layan-ing dream high and boys over flower.

that explains why taecyeon is in the list.

and lee min ho and kim hyun joong has got me choosing,

which is rare thing in movies/dramas,

cause i usually choose and stick to one.

for kim bum and wooyoung,

its cause i love the pairing in the dramas.

nice chemistry.

dah lah tu, back to reality

these guys don't exist

well, not in my world

how to save a life

2011-02-27T09:15:00.000-08:00

well, i don't really know how. well, at least not yet. belum jadi doctor bertauliah lagi.

but i feel like blogging. so let's be absolutely random today.

i'll talk about ways to save money :) well at least, my ways. tiba-tiba came up because somebody mentioned to me, cuti tak payah lah balik malaysia. pergi jalan-jalan to other countries, perform umrah ke. kan best tu. jauh perjalanan, luas pemandangan. I AGREE 100% ! tapi perlukan fulus lah derr -.-"

first, i always letak my money bersepah. it gives the illusion that i have a lot of money, tapi actually-nya tak. ahaha. tak tau lah effective or not, but i love the psychological effect of fooling myself into thinking i'm kaya raya. imagine the joy of time pokai, tiba-tiba selak-selak buku ke, tiba-tiba jumpa duit. pergh, i love that sensation :) in a way, it saves me from spending em all in one go.

second, more walk less talk. if we all chose to walk that fat ass of ours and get around and about, we'd save a whole lotta money, lessen pollution, and burn a great load of calories. walking FTW! we all need to be like europeans, rajin je memanjang jalan sana-sini. yes, you may debate that cuaca sana pleasant, tak scorchingly hot macam malaysia ni. but let's just TRY to selit in more walking here and there, where we can in our daily lives. i enjoy walking. cause that's the only exercise i get (dasar pemalas) and i very the kedekut one nak invest in transportation ahahaha.

third, konsep zuhud. be satisfied with whatever things you have. jangan biarkan harta duniawi menguasai kita. no need to unnecessarily shop and buy things that you don't need, or upgrade ur phone to the latest model, just because everyone else owns one, when your current phone is working perfectly well. sekali dua kala reward yourself and splurge tu tak pe lah. jangan sampai all the time pergi mall pun nak bag penuh kiri kanan tangan. save money tahan nafsu shopping, lepas tu jalan-jalan travel puas puas lagi best woo :)

fourth, jom diet. ahaha. my biggest weakness is kalau nampak kedai makan sedap-sedap. rasa nak makaaaaaaaaaaan je all the time. so i have to practice self-restraint. kalau tak, duit mengalir macam air je beli food. ahaha. but mind you, jangan sebab nak saving tak beli nak makan langsung, tak sihat tu. don't starve to death :)

fifth, keep track of what you spend. ni paling susah for me to ikut. sebab pemalas nak jot down stuff i spent on for the day. but this is essential so you have a clear picture and know where you're money's heading. no, bukan suruh buat accounts complicated macam time spm tu ahaha, just simple simple sudeh. though it would be a plus point if you do book-keeping the professional way ;)

beginning with the end in mind

2011-02-24T12:47:00.000-08:00

no, i am not an economic-line student, nor am i specialising in Islamic studies. but i feel, some things, everyone should care to learn and know.

what has become of our world today?

i'm scared of reading the newspapers each day. everyday violence, everyday tragedies. seems like something straight out of a hollywood movie. except its not. this time its real. absolute reality.

with the ripples of riot waves all across the North African and Middle East countries, the overthrowing of autocratic leaders who are stubborn as hell, even with the what i'd call human massacres of the protesters in Libya being gunned down by order of that crazy deluded old man Gaddafi. the world is in a state unrest.

so what is it to you, you may say? we're living in lovely, lovely malaysia. who cares what's happening in the other side of the world. what i wear or where i go to eat should be my biggest concerns.

well newsflash; it has everything to do with you.

first off, those are our muslim brothers and sisters out there fending for their rights, putting their lives on the line. if you don't give two hoot about their living, then maybe you shouldn't call yourself a practicing muslim.

tak sempurna iman seseorang

sehingga dia mengasihi saudaranya

sebagaimana dia mengasihi dirinya sendiri

-hadis Rasulullah-

and even if you're not the 'religious type', reason number two why you should care is because in this much globalised world, even a small hiccup down the road in one nation, affects the other. especially economically speaking. these middle east countries in dangerous waters are about a tenth of the world's oil contributers. and oil is the real money these days. imagine an extreme hike in the oil price due to this political unrest would send the worldwide on a crazied frenzy. masyaAllah. bukankah kita telah diingatkan bahawa masa akhir zaman, manusia akan berlumba-lumba mengejar untuk menguasai dan mendapatkan emas hitam?

and the escalating frequency of natural disasters happening... an alarming sign from Allah Almighty. the most recent being, the earthquake in Christchurch, New Zealand. wake up people wake up. how many more earthquakes or tsunamis or hurricanes do we need to see before we'd make a step towards change and repentance? Sesungguhnya, ini lah tanda-tanda kebesaran-Nya, for those who'd think. in another way of looking at it, Allah loves us so much, He's sending warning signs through these catastrophes so that we'd take this chance to reflect and change, while He still permits, while angel Israfil still hasn't blown upon the sangkakala.

"Pada akhir zaman, akan terjadi tanah runtuh,

rusuhan dan perubahan muka bumi.

Ada yang bertanya kepada Rasulullah:

Wahai Rasululah, bila hal ini akan terjadi?

Baginda menjawap:

Apabila telah bermaharajalela bunyi-bunyian (muzik)

dan penyanyi-penyanyi wanita"

HR, Ibnu Majah

i am scared. and i'm not perfect. but i'm trying. you should too.

its been bugging me for days now

2011-02-21T11:37:00.000-08:00

an afterthought; let the changes be minimal, but constant. yes?

only dogs like bones. men like curves :D

2011-02-18T08:07:00.000-08:00

ahaha, liking my friend's status on fb :)

anyways, its been a few days since i touched down on home soil

and i've been guilty pleasure-ing like mad

duduk melepeeeeek je kat rumah

bangun tido bangun tido

youtubeeeeeee memanjang.

haven't been doing anything productive.

the only sunny side is i haven't been eating much as i wanted to.

taktau kenapa my monster appetite disappear.

lol. dulu kat egypt kempunan macam2.

kat malaysia takde rasa nak makan pulak.

haih susah betul haha

anyways, i feel i should take a grip on my life once more

i cannot live like a bum, i cannot live this way! (well actually i can muahahaha)

i need to set a time table once more (which i actually follow, bukan hiasan semata-

mata)

time table nak study, time table nak masak.... eceeeeyh, time table nak ronggeng.

and also i need to become more health conscious

first, i vow to go on the treadmill as often as i can ie everyday.

eeeee ni yg susah ni. but i haveeeee to!

sebab kat egypt/UK banyak berjalan, so dapat lah jugak exercise.

kat malaysia ni jgn harap lah. so treadmill shud compensate for my lack of walking ahaha

second, i should eat less! jangan tergoda dengan segala temptations duniawi makanan segala bagai. i know its hard cause malaysia's a food heaven! but i gotta at least TRY, no?

third, i need to get myself busy. i realise kalau kat rumah memang selalu sangat duduk melepek tak move a muscle all day, no kidding. i can be sooo a hardcore pemalas if i want to be.

sebab tu laa i prefer going out and about, tak melekat kat rumah. so dear friends, if ade apa2 program ke, hangout ke, usrah ke, panjat gunung ke, COUNT ME IN :D

fourth, errrrr. i don't have a fourth. lol. any health tips to share? i'll add it in as a fourth. ok byeeeee, wish me luck.

i am in malaysia! and available for a limited time only :)

2011-02-14T12:17:00.000-08:00

sorry for the looooooong silence

guess what, baby I'M BACKK! :D

would you believe it? i know i couldn't.

even sitting here typing away in my room feels so surreal.

i've dreamt of going home for so long (chieh padahal 4 bulan je)

i've fantasized about it much too often

sekali dua kala, mesti berangan, 'kalau lah ada doraemon, boleh pinjam pintu suka hati, balik malaysia kejap"
which i knew was impossible

but in a way Allah granted my wish

secara tiba-tiba pula ada riot semua bagai

and so here i am.

in a way, i feel uneasy jugak.

sebab i don't wanna go home this way, dengan keadaan egypt tak aman.

our future in a state of uncertainty.

but i guess we can plan. but Allah is the best of all planners.

there must be a hikmah behind all this, there MUST.

you just gotta go with the flowwwww ;)

syukuur for now, all is well, alhamdulillah.

but even if it isn't, there's a reason to it all (sila take note dalam otak. sebab selalu lupa fakta penting ni)

i vowed to myself nak cium tanah the moment i reached home, but decided that was too extreme. and obscene. AHAHA. so i settled for peluk-ing the tiang instead :)

i heart you. will you heart me too?

2011-01-10T01:55:00.000-08:00

but i believe a heart takes a form much more different than that. a form of which not comprehendable to mankind, only understood by that ultimate Divine One.

try describing a heart. two ventricles, two atriums, sure you're right, but not really accurate. if you describe a person, it wouldn't be enough to describe his/her physicalities cause really that doesn't define a person.

the heart is the biggest mystery in the world. the biggest myth un-debunked. cause frankly nobody know's the answer. too many lyrics of songs or titles of movies dedicated to just this little piece of flesh. why? cause everybody's so confused and obsessed to figure out their own hearts, or others.

but even albert einstein couldn't conjure up a mathematical formula to explain the heart. as i've said, only Allah knows what lies in the heavens or the earth and surely everything that lies within it, even hearts, each and everyone of us.

but if the heart is so important, why then are we spending too much money, time and wasted energy on beauty products and fashionable clothes, really, if you're saying "looks don't matter, what's in my heart counts." everybody has got it all wrong. you don't work from the outside in, you work from the inside out. when you've got your heart in the right place, everything else falls perfectly. and likewise, if you've got a solid rotten heart, your miss universe/mr macho man looks won't matter, not even one bit.

"There is a morsel of flesh in the body,
which, if it be diseased,
all of it is diseased.
Truly it is the heart."
(Bukhari)

an afterthought. if we all looked physically like what our heart represents, i bet many of us won't recognise ourselves in the mirror. i don't want that. i wanna be able to say i'm happy with the way i look. what say you?

my weight is.......

2011-01-07T13:53:00.002-08:00

ok. i'd tell you, seriously, if i knew. AHAHAHA, as if :P

but still. i have no clue what my weight right now is.

menaikkah atau menurunkah?

memang tak wujud weighing scales kat rumah

nak pergi timbang kat tepi jalan yg pakcik tua duk jaga kat last station tram tu?

maluuuu. and jauuuuuh. ahaha

but i do wonder

how any kgs i've shed/gained

after like what? 3 months?

you people might judge from the frequency rate of my food album updates,

hmmmm sure sure bertambah berat ni... banyak betul makan.

but no. i don't think so. i do take lotsa food pictures.

but i don't think i eat as much as i do in malaysia.

hmmmm, let's see. what did i eat today?

breakfast : teh panas. it rained today! lebat and lama pulak tu. a rare occurance in this ketandusan hujan land. but mind you, i make the horriblest teh. 1 out of 10 times je teh tu menjadi and sedap.

lunch: indomie perisa kari ayam. pffft. indomie rasa dia semua sama je perisa apa pun. trust me. i'm an instant noodle expert. ahahaha. ni memang lunch yg paling rajin. usually i'll go without lunch. lunch is another rare occurance. AHAHA

minum petang? : ni dapat laaa biskut cicah cicah teh kat rumah kak bai time study group :) eh, teh lagi. betul-betul jadi egyptian dah ni. duk hirup teh je. tunggu i bring a mug of teh around with me to class, to the tram.... haaa, sahlah boleh jadi egyptian dah tu. LOL (they carry teh around with them everywhere. what amazes me, is that tak tumpah pun!)

dinner: haaa, ni baru real meal of the day. actually each day, heavy meal nya satu je lah which is dinner. breakfast, lunch semua pakai redah je. dapat grab sekeping roti pun kira beruntung. today is my turn to cook. and that aboved picture is a failed attempt of spaghetti carbonara. ahaha. tak menjadi sangat. tapi sedap je and edible to eat whaaaaaaaat :)

dessert : ni pun extra tambahan. selalunyaa pffft haram lah nak ada dessert. ahaha. i just had a sudden urge to makan faraulah (strawberries). thus, husna and i meredah angin yg amat sejuk and go strawberry-hunting ! :B got for 5genih sekilo. ok lah tu. sedap and sweet. i dipped it in nutella for extra effect. ahahaha.

soooooo, i really can't deduce menaik ke menurun berat badan.

maybe lah tak banyak makan err sangat, but

exercise pun tidak.

i sleep like a lot A LOT

and spend most times on my ass

studying, or melagha-ing like what i'm doing right now.

but i do walk a lot to school and back.

ok, tu kalau hari sekolah je lah. ahaha

well. perhaps i shouldn't timbang at all.

i should just wait another 7 months

and timbang bila sampai malaysia.

just for the heck of it.

ahaha.

ok bye. my 15minutes break is over. back to cytoplasmic gibberish blibberish.

lisa random fact #3

2011-01-05T12:09:00.000-08:00

my favourite food is char kuey teow kerang. ok well, technically that's not very accurate cos i have more than one favourite food (probably up to dozens XD) ahahaha. those who go through my 'food album' on facebook would probably know how i can be such an enthusiast when it comes to food. (kalau dapat resapkan ke-enthusiasm-an dalam belajar bagus jugak)

anyways. ni bukan favourite food biasa-biasa. ada sentimental memory juga. bukan char kuey teow mana-mana yang boleh jadi favourite food. mesti Char Kuey Toew Bob jugak! ahaha. "bob who?" u may say. well. meh sini saya story :)

when i was a kid, balik from uk, time tu tak tau mengaji tak tau apa, bahasa melayu pun kabut2 lagi, i was sent to mengaji kat keramat au2, near my aunt's place. semua semua laah kaum kerabat hantar mengaji situ, siblings cousins blablabla. so everytime habis mengaji, sure lapar punyaaa. kan ada jalan yg dekat ngan 7eleven kat keramat au2 tu kan (kalau taktau, sila ronda carik nanti) well sederet-deret tu ada like food stalls selling a variety of food. paling loyal kitrg serbu is Char Kuey Teow Bob tu lahh. i tell you, kalau boleh setiap jumaat sabtu ahad tu i makan kuey teow (mengaji is on jumaat sabtu ahad). so you multiply that many days with 12 months with the 6 years i mengaji-ed there. pheww, that's a lot of kuey teow i tell you.

even when i dah pindah shah alam and dah masuk sekolah kat seremban pun, i still feel the occasional cravings for a kuey teow bob. other kuey teows would do, but it wouldn't exactly feel the same childhood kuew teow-ness.

and guess what. i'm blogging about this now cause I AM SO DYING TO HAVE SOME KUEY TEOW BOB! somebody bring some here! heck, bring bob here, i don't care. i will so kiss your left toenail if you could make that happen. AHAHAHA. sigh. oh well. bersabarlah. 7 months to go.

ahhh sudahhh lisa. stop feasting your eyes and berangan. back to reality. studying awaits

notakukukaki; i know i've promised myself to only blog on weekends but can i make exceptions? of course i can! i've got da powaaah :D mwahahaha. well, memandangkan tengah study leave and got ample of time (no, bukan bermakna dah habis study semua). its just that, mana boleh baca buku 24/7 kan? gotta have intervals to clear your mind. err kan? i have no idea how to be a good medical student. somebody tell me. apakah cara nya untuk study? puasa internet terus? or ok macam ni?

all i wanna do is trade this life for something new

2010-12-30T08:57:00.000-08:00

i quote from my twitter post few days ago, "i need a break in my routine. i'm sick of doing the same thing and meeting the same people. i just need a little escape for awhile"

hurmm. no it doesn't mean i don't like egypt or the people here, but i just need a break from all this, and reset my mood and emotions. alaa, camana nak explain. haa, like u know how kalau time sekolah dulu, duduk asrama lama-lama, u mula rasa rimas and fed up, and the remedy is balik outing bermalam, so that you could neutralise balik and recharge energy, and u come to school later on feeling enthusiastic and fresh? haaa, like that laaa. malangnya, mana mungkin nak taxi urself to and fro, here and back cos malaysia-egypt tu bukan macam shah alam-seremban lisa ooooi XD

guess i have to just hold on a liiiiiiiiiiittle bit longer. tengah exam season (pray for me :S) and after that winter break di mana i nak enjoy habis-habisan. so hold on lisa hold.

here's a sneak peak at my routine every day. well, almost. ahah

pagi-pagi we walk to the faculty of medicine yg memang located paling paling hujung dunia -.-' a very long walk. takpe. bagus untuk kesihatan. ahahaha

this is the faculty of engineering. pass by it each day. no fair. diorg punya faculty lagi lawaaa. -.-"

setiap hari bersabung nyawa cross these crazy streets of Alexandria

nasib baik ada pakcik polis. membantu laa juga sikit :D

so close yet so far. dah dekat dah tu dgn our faculty. belakang the hospital. but by this time, most of us are already pancit. lol

haaa, sampai pun entrance. takpe, jangan terkejut. sini semua stail-stail bangunan dia bertemakan 'bangunan tak siap'. memang design favourite diorg :D

first class is the ILA (integrated learning activity). ala-ala macam case-based learning laa. hari ini we are scrutinising the case of fatma this 19 year old teenager yang menghadapi masalah acne vulgaris. best jugak. tiba-tiba rasa nak jadi dermatologist :B berangaaaaan
after that, lecture pasal skin appendages kat lecture hall. jaga-jaga, dalam lecture hall lah selalu tersengguk terhangguk :P kantoi selalu mengantuk. ahahaha

during our free periods, we go to the amphitheatre. duk setahdi (atau bergossip :P) kat sini. kadang-kadang catch a wink eye or two (haih, asyik tidur je kerja lisa nih)

besar juga amphitheatre. boleh sumbat banyak malaysian students and egyptian students jugak

meet bahiyah. she cracks us up all the time.

after class, naik teksi, nak gi Hazarita. teman husna nak keluarkan duit.

yaaaa, inilah HSBC penyelamat. another one a bit far, kat carrefour.

then, naik tram-ride home. walaupun tak nampak sangat, but nampak tak titisan titisan hujan yg sikt tu? yaaaaay it's raining! Allahumma soiyyiban nafi 'an. jarang hujan sini, so memang kami jakun :D

pffft, memalukan kaum betul. budak arab meng-vandalise the tram.

dah itu sahaja. i'm tired playing dora the explorer today. till next time folks :)

my favourite things ♥

2010-12-24T01:37:00.000-08:00

i was having depressing waves not too long ago. and midelle my dear friend suggested i come up with a 'my favourite things' list. you know, like that sound of music movie :D something i can go back to everytime i feel down or demotivated. so, let's see, what are lisa's favourite things :D in no particular order mind you.

1. people

i adore and appreciate the people around me oh-so-very much. i am so glad i've been blessed to cross paths with ah-mah-zingly amazing people throughout my life. my family is loving and supportive too. the other day i skyped with mum and cried for no particular reason and i'm pretty sure she's ready to pack her bags and leave for egypt already. mommah to the rescue! thus, whenever i'm down, i should never forget that i have people who love me no matter what, so that fact alone should make me feel blessed and happy.

2. sleep

when the whole world seems to rest its burden on me, i sleep. when i feel absolutely empty and restless, i sleep. when i'm hungry or tired or bored senseless, i sleep. when i'm happy and contented without a care in the world, i sleep. so how can it not be one of my favourite things? :D sleep is a form of excapism. it allows you to get 'high' and get lost from harsh reality, but mind you temporarily. usually if i get too upset or angry, i'll resort to sleep and i'll wake up feeling better. the problem now is i sleep too much. haih. too much escapism, when will i ever face the problem at hand? lisa, the escape artist :/

3. food

in case you haven't noticed, which i find it hard to believe, i have an ultimate passion for food! :D some days i spend time staring away at pictures of food (especially time puasa bhahahaha, selalu terkantoi dgn jijah :B) eating is an ultimate uplifter. for instance, ni haa at this very moment i tgh stress stress buat assignment ni, but lepas baham sepacket fries, i feel happier! :D and some days i feel too stressed and feels like my brains burning up a smoke, a trip to the kedai runcit belakang beli ice cream will fix it all :D ice cream is the best, i tell you :D i just love eating, its the aftermath of it i'm not too crazy about :/

4. music. tkwo

i felt empty, gloomy, numb the other day. like there's no joy in my life anymore (bhahaha, maaflah ayat nak dramatik aja XD but yeah, i have my moments :B) but then, suddenly terasa nak dengar lagu-lagu orchest balik. and pergh. soaring flying balik kot semangat :D berulang-ulang i pasang lagu disney festival ke, film scoring ke, persis ke. music is just so joyful i tell yah, especially instrumental orchestra-ish songs. whenever i feel down, i should always replay back memories of tkwo in my head. bak kata sarr, its a true underdog success story. right now i'm feeling waaay handicapped and underdog-ish cos semua orang pandai2 belaka with boffin brains. but just so u know underdogs make it out there too! :')

5. phone

haaa, kan dah ter-materialistik siket. lol. but yeah, my favourite thing is my phone. why? cos i feel connected and in sync with all the happenings in the whole world! for instance, dgn ber-bbm dgn ibu i can get resipi masak so and so in just a matter of seconds :D or kalau nak google something ke tak faham in class, mudah je. plus kalau kredit habis ke, i just on my fbchat ke, and contact people through there (just to clarify, kalau nampak i 24/7 online kat fb tu, bukan i duk melangok depan pc sepanjang masa, tu on9 guna phone tu) but sometimes ur favourite thing, can turn out to be your enemy. kadang2 rasa nak campak jauh2 phone sebab rimas dgn 'certain people' yg asyik contact but mind you, i LOVE random messages from my friends :') especially those whom i miss the most

6. al-quran

every muslim's favourite thing. kalau sehari tak baca walau sedikit pun, pasti resah. betul tak? i know i do. habis berkuncalana resah gelisah dunia kalau tertinggal baca satu hari. dan kalau baca tu, mesti best kalau baca maksud dia sekali. sebab mesti punya lah maksud dia kene dgn situation or problems yg kita face tiap hari. love letters from God as they say :') indahnya al-quran, applicable to every zaman pun, universally-relevant, never obsolete.

7. books

it has been awhile since i last saw a book without any words like hemidesmosome or decidua basalis or 5-phosphoribosylamine in it. sigh. this is what my life has been reduced to. i have no imagination nor creative streak in me anymore :'( i used to love reading books, sometimes i read the same book up to 5 times! no kidding (kalau lah mampu baca buku medic up to 5 times juga! ini 5 muka surat pun belum tentu, bhahahaha) but books make me happy too, cos again, it is a form of ecapism. you get to be somebody else for the day :D

8. movies

the other day, i was sooo bogged down with work, i had my assignment to do, studying to be done, medicmesir responsibilities stuff to be settled, dishes to be washed (lol) etc. too many things to be done at once! but guess what i chose to do first? i dropped everything and just sat on my bed and duk layan movie pulak. ahaha. dah lah adnan sempit. pfft. poyo but okay kelakar juga movie :D i felt waaaay better after that. "whats mean you talking rempit rempit?" epic :D

9. pen dakwat basah

aaah, the trivial things. i so do prefer tulis with pen dakwat basah compared to dakwat biasa :D why? just because. and i prefer my socks mismatched. and i like to eat anything and everything with black pepper. and some days, i just like to sit and stare at the sky, and i love the smell of rain :D and i like to nibble on my biscuits slowly rather then munching them up. i prefer night time than day and i like to pull or make faces. i sometimes smile to myself for no reason and i like to say bhahahaha instead of hahaha. ok, i can go on forever XD

10. taking back my love

ok. ni letak paling last sebab paling malu nak mengaku favourite things. ahahaha. i'm not a big fan of dolls ke soft toys ke but start form 5 this big red thang has took my heart :D my mum gave it to me masa awal form 5 (ahahah, form 5 baru nak start ber-soft toy. memang betul late bloomer ni) i named it 'taking back my love'. hoh panjang betul namanya. lol. anyways, why favourite thing? sebab that thang witnessed my tears senyap2 after lights off, helped me sleep on those days i find it hard to sleep the most, jadi meja tempat nak stay up study atas katil, tempat nak peluk, tumbuk ke kalau geram. ahah. and guess what. I DID NOT BRING THIS THING TO EGYPT! so sad lah. my dad ada sebut time packing2 barang dulu, jangan lupa bawak ur red love soft toy tu, tapi dgn kereknya i brushed him off cos hek eleh, tak macho lah kalau bawak. sekarang, haih. rindu juga :/

what are your favourite things?

cardinal rules of life

2010-12-18T13:42:00.000-08:00

from my point of view, that is. there are many others. but these are mine. that's the beauty of it all, there is no particular vivid line of what's what cause you play by your own rules, so go invent your own rules to play by :) important note: mungkin ada unsur 'tak practice what u preach' in this post cos sometimes i find myself breaking my own rules and beliefs :/ i'm only human. sorry

1. Fend For Yourself. Have Your Own Back. Cos No One Else Would

truth is, everyone out there is out to get you. if you were to sit on a cliff and if people had the opportunity to push you down without having to bear any consequences just to save their own asses, trust me, they would. its in our human nature. one man for himself. its proven, 2 men trapped in a room with nothing to eat they'd end up eating each other, no doubt. so what i'm trying to say here is, give but not too much. tell, but not everything. love, but not blindly and unconditionally. have your own safe zone where you can retreat to when everyone else hurts you. i'm not saying that everyone is evil so lock them completely out of your life, but just know that the only person you can completely wholly trust is yourself. never be clingy or too dependant on others. cos eventually, it'll backfire.

2. You Don't Get To Call The Shots. He Does

you know how sometimes you feel you can't take it anymore? like how giving up seems like a better option, probably the only option. like the how a puny little midget's gonna take down a heavyweight champion in the wrestling ring? or how that guy with amputated limbs gonna crawl his way and try to at least finish the race, let alone win it? or probably how that dumb autistic person's gonna even finish school or compete with people at the top of his class? well guess what. you don't get to decide or predict how the story ends. cos with all the scientific logic or mathematical reasoning in this world one thing you'll never beat, divine intervention. so who's to say you can't make it through medic school? who's to say you won't manage to scrape out an A? so stop deciding for yourself the end of your story, that's God's job. you just do your best, give your best shot, and Allah will meter out your rewards.

3. Know All. Love All.

this is probably the toughest rule i find myself to abide by. i believe in being non-discriminatory. i believe in being open and fair to everyone that i come across in life. but lots of the time, i find myself severely striked with annoyance when i come across a person's particular negative trait. again, its human nature too, to judge too quickly. thus, i have to constantly remind myself, that heck, everyone's got flaws, i do too. and some may not even be too keen on myself either. so find a place in your heart to always love and accept a person despite his or her flaws. let's spread love, not animosity :D

4. For You I Will

everything becomes more meaningful when we are doing something for a certain someone or something. right? ok, think back those days, when your mother said she'll give u RM5 if you made it without eating in ramadhan till maghrib. remember how you patiently but painfully waited as the time ticks slowly by. remember that hee-uge relief when you heard that azan maghrib berkumandang kat tv1? remember how ecstatic you were when you actually got to hold that crisp RM5 note between your fingers? all your fight and wait have been worth it. same concept applies to lovers. "i am doing this for her/him. i'd cross the 7 seas, climb the highest mountains yadayadaya" wouldn't it be even more beautiful if you were to do it for your ultimate loved One. The One. Allah ya Rahman ya Rahim. everything, i repeat, everything would be worth it. worth the pain, tears and trouble :')

5. The First Step Is The Hardest

"the first cut is the deepest," crows sheryl crow in her hit song. true. everything is so blahdy hard at the beginning. but the key to it is to nevahh give up cos IT WILL get easier. percayalah (trying very hard to convince myself) ingat those times masa form one time band. macam orang gila. i know zilch about music. notes tak reti baca, krochet, minim semua- they all look like taugeh to me. nak tiup instrument pun entah bunyi ke tak, inikan pula nak lepas scales. but i kept on going at it anyway, and lama2 daripada bunyi macam gajah sembelit, lama-lama ada juga lah bunyi. sampai lah boleh pergi wind orchestra competition semua. so the key to it is, keep going at it! it'll work out in the end! (sila apply prinsip ini untuk study medic. its been 3 months but still terumbang-ambing juga :/)

6. Just Do It

(nike ad yg paling klaka i rasa wahahaha)

oooh i like this one. many a times i feel like doing something but i feel pulled back with doubts. haaa, i know u feel the same way too! everyone does. sometimes, all it takes is just to count 1,2,3 and JUST DO IT. trust me, it works. if you wait and contemplate too long, a lot of doubts will set in and u'd find it harder to battle those doubts. better strike when the doubts haven't had a chance to seep into ur mind. this rule of life is responsible for my occasional burst of courage to pull a homer simpson or do the unthinkable. like singing or dancing time zaman tkc dulu. ahah. and many may know me as a very vocal and brave person to voice opinions or make speeches/presentations etc. but truth be told, i have uncalmed nerves too. most of the time i do the 1,2,3 and just do it step before every speech etc. don't end up at the end of the day staring into space, in bed, troubled enough to sleep, thinking and regretting why oh why you didn't have the guts to do so and so.

7. Don't You Worry About A Thing, Cos Every Little Thing Is Gonna Be Alright

what if i don't get it done on time? what if i'm not good enough? what if she doesn't like it? what if i tripped on those carpets? what if i kill myself out there? what if what if what if. we spend our whole lives worrying. we have a natural talent of conjuring up the worst case scenarios. doesn't it burden your mind, heart, soul with all these worries? i know i feel worn down when I worry. worrying is essential, but only to a certain extent. up to unhealthy amounts, it'll definitely disrupt your life. the remedy? eat healthy bowls of positivity and take a glass of carefree attitude each day, and you'll do okay. spontaneity is a very important element too. we need to recapture our childhood innocence and spontaneity as those were the good old days when we still believed that the world was a happy place with supermans to fight all evil :)

8. Live In The Present.

i'll tell you why ron. this rule is something my father always stress upon. live in the present cos its always the best time, he'll say. if you're too hung up on the past, or too worried sick of the future, you'll never learn to appreaciate the present time. sure, you may say, "ohhh, i miss my school days. those were the best of times" but what if you move on to your working life? then you'll say, "ohh i miss my varsity life. those were the best of times" and so on and so forth, sampai lah mati. so rugi je. better live and enjoy the present moment. kan ada hadis tu. apa yang paling jauh dengan kita? sudah tentulah, masa yang lalu. jadi appreaciate lah masa sekarang sebelum ia berlalu.

9. Stay True To Yourself

haa, ni selalu highschool drama macam ni kan. usually a person tu, bila dapat je jawatan ke apa, belum prefect lagi, baru probationary prefect, dah mula jadi lain macam perangai. personaliti pun mendadak berubah. padahal, people vote you for who you were BEFORE you jadi prefect tu pun. so there must've been something they saw in you, so why change tiba2? i'm not against change. change is a must. change is the only thing constant. but try SLOWLY BUT SURELY. perubahan itu tak perlu mendadak. tapi perlu efektif. sama je era universiti ni. ni semua transition from zaman muda remaja to alam dewasa sikit. semua nak bajet besar. susah nak control control, cos masing-masing rasa hebat dan dewasa. sini lah we can see people changing due to peer pressure and surroundings, not staying true to self. i have a lot to say about this so i should save it for another post but all i wanna say is, do not wake up one day and look in the mirror and find yourself not liking or recognising your own reflection staring back at you. yes, figuratively and literally.

10. L is For The Way You Look At Me

haaaa. zaman sekarang kalau tak cakap pasal love memang tak sah. wherever i turn, ada punya lah. lagi-lagi kat mesir ni, duk rancak je org borak pasal kawin semua (it scares me that we're langkah-ing into and arena of org kawin-kawin actually. it gives me the brutal reminder that i'm getting older! bye bye cartoon days T.T) so love. why is it a lisa life rule too? hmm. let me get this straight. my point of view and approach to love. banyak je orang judge me too soon. 'oh minah ni, nampak modern, nama pun dah modern: lisa. bandar-ish etc' but let me tell you, about these things, i am very conventional-minded. i strongly utterly believe that 'perempuan yg baik utk lelaki yg baik and vice versa'. its simple actually. most people get it all wrong. semua duk sibuk sibuk cari mr right, mr perfect. but what they don't realise is THEY'RE the one yg kene jadi miss right, miss perfect, cos good attracts good. tu janji Allah. if you're good, then no hal lah. you've got it all in the bag. that's why bila org tanya lisa minat sapa, lisa crush kat sapa etc, i find myself blur taktau nak jawap apa. cos i'm more concerned with myself (ahaha ayat narcisstic LOL) i mean, if even i wouldn't fall in love with myself, why would i expect others to? i am super far from menjadi 'perempuan yang baik' so i don't dream of being anybody's in this near future just yet. the truth is, i don't deserve.

khallas. penat lah. long post. fair lah sebab dah lama tak post apa-apa kan. puas hati dear readers? lol. what are your rules of life? i'd love to read them :)

i have awesome friends

2010-12-03T13:12:00.000-08:00

there is no doubt about that.
thank youuuu for all the encouraging pump-me-up inbox messages/comments. you people know who you are :)
banyak kali terfikir nak delete previous post, sebab terasa pathetic sangat but oh well.
people have to know the loser part of me too
and if one day i become super successful (amin) i'd want 'successful me' to remember it all began with a hopeless lembik lost soul. from zero to hero aye?

not in any mood to blog now. pancit-ism. really penat, hectic with programs, studies etc. so i'm just gonna fill in a survey a friend tagged me on facebook, and i haven't had the time to buat yet. so here goes nothing :)

1.Last beverage: mcd's coke. heck, i'm sipping on it right now :D

2. Last phone call: farah. asking me nak makan apa for late berbuka. tolong tapau beli :)

3. Last text message : etisalat (cell phone service provider kat sini) ahaha. jarang laa guna sms sekarang. whatsapp kan ada? :D

4. Last song you listened to: The way I are- Timbaland

5. Last time you cried: ihihihihi. been so teary lately. so erm, yeah :)

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice: no

7. Been cheated on: lelaki macam ni memang tak guna and murahan :D jangan layan

8. kissed someone and regretted it: No

9. Lost someone special: Yes

10. Been depressed: YES

11. Been drunk and threw up: No

LIST TWO FAVORITE COLOURS:

12. & 13. red & lime green

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)

14. Made a new friend: banyak

15. Fallen in love: errrr? me dunnos

16. Laughed until you cried: Yes

17. Met someone who changed you: Yes. loads of life-changing people. and i'm glad.

18. Found out who your true friends were: Yes

19. Found out someone was talking about you: what to talk about?

20. Kissed anyone on your friend's list accidentally : No

21. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: everyone. i never approve someone if tak pernah jumpa depan-depan

22. How many kids do you want to have: tak kisah. afdhal lebih dari dua laa. kalau anak dua je, parents meninggal, tinggal anak dua org, so 2 hilang, 2 gain, umat tak bertambah. errr faham ke what i'm trying to say? ahaha

23. Do you have any pets: i do T.T but i'm scared of animals

24. Do you wanna change your name: sometimes

25. What did you do for your last birthday: i worked on that day, celebrated with ruhila my birthdaymate at prince hotel, and had a surprise party at my aunt's later on. also had a coalition big birthday party at a rented bungalow in bangsar on another date. phew. you only turn 18 once eh? :D

26. What time did you wake up today: i didn't sleep T.T

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: studying cell signalling and transduction ke apatah. ahaha. takde life -.-"

28. Name something you CANNOT wait for: for all this to pass.

29. Last time you saw your Mother: don't ask. T.T its been a while

30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i'd love to change me. not life.

32. What are you listening to right now: never underestimate a girl- vanessa hudgens

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: err, no?

34. What's getting on your nerves right now: a lot of things. annoyance threshold has reached critical level this past week. but i'm ok-ish now :D

35. Most visited webpage: youtube :)

36. What's your real name: Tengku Nurlisa Binti Tengku Azelan Shah

37. What's your nickname: Lisa

38. Relationship Status: Single

39. Zodiac sign: Aries

40. Male or female: Female

41. Elementary school: Sekolah Kebangsaan Taman Setiawangsa

42. Middle School: err?

43. High school/college: Tunku Kurshiah College

44. Hair colour: purple. haha! i wish

45. Long or short: medium sized milk-shake please. ok. tiba2 teringin. ahaha

46. Height: 156cm

47. Do you have a crush on someone: no. i'm already too emotionally-tired to be crushing :D

48: What do you like about yourself: oh god. tough question. erm err? i don't know anymore -.-"

49. Piercings: ears

50. Tattoos: are cytoplasmic inclusions which are exogenous pigments introduced into the layers of the skin. ok abaikan. my brain is so tepu belajar right now. ahahaha

51. Righty or lefty: righty

FIRSTS :

52. First surgery: minor surgery toenail. ahahaha, no kidding

53. First piercing: 5 years old? 6? ears

54. First best friend: soft toy noddy. mana dah dia menghilang T.T

55. First sport you joined in: sleep. number one record-holder.living legend

56. First vacation: 9 very peaceful months in my mother's womb

58. First pair of trainers: wa cakap sama lu mana wa ingat

59. Eating: heinz baby food. still a favourite ! :D

60. Drinking: milk?

61. I'm about to: dig my teeth into that juicy burger! :D

62. Listening to: dance in the dark- lady gaga

63. Waiting for: an epiphany

YOUR FUTURE :

64. Want kids: yes. ahah. i've changed. dulu bab2 ni semua anti no-no. i call this growing up kot.

65. Get Married: yes, kalau ada jodoh. tak ada, tak apa. sama skema jawapan seperti di atas

66. Career: nak jadi doctor and manusia yg berjaya. dan bahagia.

WHICH IS BETTER :

67. Lips or eyes: both. i really can't choose

68. Hugs or kisses: ahaha.

69. Shorter or taller: taller lah

70. Older or Younger: forever young, i wanna be forever young, do you really want to live forever? :)

71. Romantic or spontaneous: a little bit of both? balanced

72. Nice stomach or nice arms: 24-karat golden heart :) that matters most

73. Sensitive or loud: sensitive

74. Hook-up or relationship: relationship

75. Trouble maker or hesitant: hesitant. do the right thing.

HAVE YOU EVER :

76. Kissed a stranger: no. but a stranger (mak nyah) pernah kissed me. on new year's eve! eww. my cheeks are violated -.-"

77. Drank hard liquor: no

78. Lost your glasses/ contact: berjuta juta kali

79. Sex on first date: kawin la dulu

80. Broken someone's heart: tons

82. Been arrested: no

83. Turned someone down: hmm yes

84. Cried when someone died: Yes

85. Fallen for a friend: yes. i was stupid :)

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself: i wanna say yes

87. Miracles: yes

88. Love at first sight: maybe

89. Heaven: Yes :')

90. Santa Claus: pfft no

91. Kiss on the first date: kawin dulu laa

92. Angels: Yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: no

95. Did you sing today: yes. i sing everyday now. practising saja2 messing with the guitar :) cita-cita nak quit medic school jadi penyanyi :B ahahaha just kidding

96. Ever cheated on somebody: no

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go: let's go back to the start

98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be: english drama. i'd know when accidents will happen. so i'd try to prevent em :)

99. Are you afraid of falling in love: yes

100. Posting this as 100 truths: bluek. takmau.

truth be told

2010-12-01T15:13:00.000-08:00

truth be told
i don't know what i'm doing.

truth be told
i'm lost, as lost as can be

truth be told
i find it so hard to keep up and catch up

truth be told
i doubt i'm medic material

truth be told
my deepest fear is letting my parents, family, friends down

truth be told
what if i screw up?

truth be told
i don't always make jokes and plaster smileys across my face like i always do on facebook etc

truth be told
i've felt this way for quite some time

truth be told
i feel like crying now. but i only feel numb.

truth be told
i feel pathetic for even writing this. cos my blog's not exactly private. and i'm not sure if i wanna broadcast this side of me. i want people to see the happy, sure, winning-atitude side of me

truth be told
everyone has off days

truth be told
my mind's not in a happy place

truth be told
i feel like a loser

truth be told
some days i just wanna shrink away and disappear

truth be told
i'm like a roller-coaster. i feel 'yeah i can do it' one moment. and 'the world is ending' the next

truth be told
what if all this was a mistake? what if i'm chasing something i can never reach anyway?

truth be told
i'm not someone i'm proud of

truth be told
i love my parents too much to let them down

truth be told
ok. i'm crying now.

truth be told
i am an underdog. way way under.

truth be told
i feel so inferior here. everyone is a genius around here. i don't fit in

truth be told
i'm not happy. i force myself to be sometimes

truth be told
i keep a lot to myself these days. though people may see me as an expressive person, that's just the tip of the iceberg.

truth be told
i just wanna be contented and happy

truth be told
i wanna be a better person.

truth be told
some days i feel like i desperately need someone to talk to

truth be told
i find it hard to put what i'm feeling into words

truth be told
no matter how hard i sometimes try, i still lack the 'it' they all possess

truth be told
i miss my friends in malaysia too much. they always know how to help comfort me.

truth be told
as much as i desperately want to, i'm scared of going back to malaysia. what if i never want to come back here? ever?

truth be told
i am my own enemy

truth be told
i didn't envison myself to be like this

truth be told
some people have it worse off. i should slap myself hard now for being ingrateful

truth be told
even so i don't feel better -.-"

truth be told
i need to put life on hold and contemplate myself. re-live and review my real goals/principles/attitude in life

truth be told
i need inspiration. i need help. and i'm not joking.

truth be told
i never blog on school days these days. this is a rare occasion.

truth be told
i might just delete this post in the near future.

halfway gone T.T

2010-11-27T03:36:00.000-08:00

i do not like doing things half-way.
i do not like half-baked theories.
i do not like menyeluk pekasam sekadar cicah-cicah jari sahaja.

well at least that applies to my movie-watching principles XD
study? selalu juga baca half-way je!
cis, semangat warm-warm chicken shit je -.-"

anyways. i was watching a movie last night, memenuhi regimen 'menonton satu movie satu minggu', when the movie only stopped half-way. godek punya godek cari dalam laptop, harddisk semua bagai, still tak jumpa sambungan. down.

same way i felt down masa tgk kingdom of heaven. syiok punya syiok tgk, sekali terstuck half-way. haish. till today i haven't gathered up the kerajinan to continue part 2.

anyways, i was watching Ip Man last night. and it was awesome! well, half-awesome sebab tengok separuh je kan T.T sapa belum tengok, sila tengok! best :DDDDD

i loved the way its a culturally-rich movie. i've always been fascinated with apa-apa lah culture of apa-apa lah country. and what other to represent china then the kung fu art itself. (i found a place nak blaja kung fu kat alexandria ni! ahaha, ok tiba-tiba selingan XD)
see, kita kene berbangga dengan kekayaan budaya negara kita sendiri. jangan nak pandang the west saja. tgk kat mesir ni, cakap laa english berhabuk macam mana pun, orang arab tu akan reply dalam bahasa arab jugak. when in rome, we do as the romans do. kita datang negara orang, kita kene lah fit in to THEIR language/culture :) (tiba2 rasa nak cuba try test kat malaysia nanti cakap bahasa malaysia full je dgn matsallehs yang datang melancong XD)

and i loved how ip man is so humble and calm. i learnt from his character that even if you have something to shout about, you shouldn't. people respect you more that way. and oh, have i mentioned? its based on a true story. a semi biography of yip man who is a famous wing chun martial arts practitioner who is the sifu of the very famous bruce lee :D

and plus donnie yen is so awesome too in the movie :)

sembilan sekawan

2010-11-26T08:38:00.000-08:00

when we first reached here, there were a bit of a complication with the housing distribution, so 9 of us had to compress ourselves in one house. memang seksa mulanya. some of us had to sleep on one-seater sofas, mandi pun main lat tali lat sebab bilik air ada satu je ahahah, and hidup beramai-ramai macam setinggan lah kesimpulannya. but after sometime, we felt comfortable living that way and fought not to be separated, biar tinggal satu rumah je, lagi meriah! :D but alas, the fat lady has sung (fat lady referring to tuan rumah XD ahaha) she won't let 9 org tenants living in her house. so we separated houses anyway, but the story of us legendary 9 has tersebar-ed juga di kalangan seniors, " oh korang lah ye 9 org yg taknak pindah tu kan?" ahah. i love us :) don't you?

farah
pretty, rajin, pandai masak, pandai kemas rumah, baik hati.
she's a laydeeeh, a mighty good one i might add :)
percayalah, if she takde selama sehari pun
our lives would be berkuncalana topsy turvy upside down

husna
she's the youngest- 17 years young, but she's the most matured and sensible.
like a junior mama! :) always the decision-maker and go-getter.
she gets things done :) husna always saves the day

nawar
oozing of confidence and spunky attitude.
kadang2 takut juga dengan ke-kondfiden-an dia. HAHA.
but i guess that makes you unique eh? always the fashionista too :)

izzati
she thinks she's a nobody and her life is simple, too simple,
but trust me, YOU'RE A SOMEBODY AND YOU INSPIRE ME! like a lot A LOT! :)
berani nak get out of comfort zone of being in malaysia
and travel here to realise your dreams.
if my parents kata, "study kat malaysia je",
i would've jumped on that opportunity in a nanosecond.

asyikin stakerrrrrrr (stalker) !!
ahahaha. you crack me up all the time.
though tak berniat nak buat lawak pun,
but somehow setiap kali jumpa syikin
mesti rasa nak terguling2 semput gelak. very addictive too.
you're like a drug :)

rara
the pretty talented one. another blur but beautiful member.
ahah. a great and PATIENT guitar teacher.
minta maaf atas ke-lampi-an anak muridmu ini :D
ahahaha. also the fashionista :)

jeejah my sweetheart.
tkcmate. 5 years and still growing strong eh?
though i see you almost every other day, but i still miss you dearly.
next year jadi housemate ye kita?
total opposites, she loves colourful cheery things,
and i like subtle, dull colours but hey we make a good team eh? :D

mimo
the happy-go-lucky cheery one :) gelakmate. i have the best laughs with you around.
always full of surprises and things to borak and do.
never a quiet day with you around :)

lisa
yours truly. err self-praise is no praise.
so write about myself? err no thank you :)

i miss us. i really do. let's go back to the start. let's stay strong till the very end. let's be comrades and sisters in arms till we're saggy and old and toothless and we have granbabies playing around our wrinkled-skin feet. hoes over bros, hoes over bros. i hope no guy would ever get in the way (unless sampai kawin la) , cause guys have a way of doing that. when you're in trouble or despair, only girlfriends will stick to you like no guy can. sekian.

note below: maaf, semua gambar diambil secara random. let's celebrate ugliness :DDDDD

mood: annoyed

2010-11-20T05:26:00.000-08:00

i am very annoyed that blogger's font suka suki nak tuka jadi besar kecik besar kecik.

i am very annoyed that makin banyak lalat around. mana pergi concept "satu lalat satu rumah" yg dibanggakan warga alexandria? ahah. but seriously. time winter pun lalat masuk rumah nak carik heat ke?

i am sometimes annoyed with my blackberry. it never stops beeping when i'm at my busiest moments and chooses to go all silent when i'm mati kutu taktau nak buat apa.

i am annoyed that something's wrong with my e-mail

i am annoyed there are tons of unknown people in my ym list, yet i can't seem to delete or block them. tegar betul, cis.

i am annoyed dengan kegedikkan dan kemengadaan. rasa nak sepuk pun ada. rasa malu bagi pihak mereka pun ada.

i am annoyed that i haven't progressed much since i bought the guitar haritu after exam.

i am annoyed that i sleep a lot but still wake up feeling all lethargic and tired. my problem is, everytime i fall asleep, i dream. meningkat lah basal metabolic rate i time tidur nanti. eceh. ahaha. but seriously, anyone experiencing the same? any solutions?

i am annoyed that i forgot ada perjumpaan ajk akademik dekat bangunan mara lagi 10minutes more! yikes! bye

ok i'm back. fuh.

i am annoyed that tram lambat macam siput and hampir2 terlepas maghrib tadi :O

i am annoyed with facebook sometimes. and rasa nak delete kadang2 membuak jugak

i am annoyed that i am annoyed. haih.

bye. school starting tomorrow. see you in a week's time.

i used to rule the world, seas would rise when i gave the word

2010-11-19T12:36:00.000-08:00

i used to cringe and shudder at the thought of doing chores and leave all the dirty work to my maid but now i'm the one scraping out dirty stains on dishes till my nails bleed. my maid would weep in sweet ecstasy if she knew.

i used to wear tudung on an on-off basis ie hang out, pakai. tesco, tak pakai. but now even nak jemur baju pun kat luar capai tuala juga. and plus i've grown comfortable with tudung. moga2 melekat even sampai ke malaysia pun. amin.

i used to skip reading whatever tazkirahs popped out on my newsfeed or never give two hoots about any tagged islamic video but now i find myself searching for these things to feed my soul. i'm still learning. i've learnt that i am so ignorant when it comes to these things. nak semayang raya pun taktau rukun dia -.-"

i used to be the first one to complain whenever in an uncomfortable situation ie katil tak sedap, aircond takde but now i find joy in even having a katil or a place to live in

i used to be a bit detached from my family but now thousands of miles away, i feel thoroughly bonded and loved. absence makes the heart grow fonder

i used to cry senselessly on stupid worthless things but now i save my tears for people or things worth crying for. i cry less now.

i used to be a bit childish and immatured (still do a bit laa) but now i feel i've grown up (a bit laaa)

i used to be the one who approaches other people and believe in making friends with everybody but now i stick to the 'birds of a feather flock together' principle. two thumbs down. boo. i'll try to be more open to others from now on.

i used to be a snob to the juniors and memang buat muka garang and tak kisah je kalau kat college dulu, but now i am so open to whoever approaches me via fb ke apa ke. i want to help them as much as i can. i want them to do way way way way way better than me. i want them to have the best.

i used to be a love skeptic. still am. but at least tak se-allergic dulu. kalau dulu, i'll play la-la-i-can't-hear-you and stick fingers into my ears whenever people say the L word. but now, i'm more open and observant and researching what true love means. "Mudah kita jatuh cinta pada ciptaan-Nya, kenapa tidak pada Dia yang ciptakan semua?" errr maybe takde kaitan sangat, tapi i love this quote. just saying. *thanks keyy, i cilok frm ur blog :)

i used to be XX kg now i'm XX kg. AHAHAHA yang ni takleh reveal XD rahsia kerajaan :)

i used to tak reti pakai selendang. sekarang sudah improve! don't you think so? dulu pakai selendang, pasti terkeluar jambul umno. AHAHAH. eh. tak leh main politik. ok shh.

i used to be upset and paranoid whenever keluar rumah when i first reached here sebab tak faham and tak reti berbahasa arab, but now i am gaining courage nak berconverse dgn pak/mak arab. pakai belasah je lah tapi. fun (Y)

i used to wonder why laaaa alexandria ni best. sebab tak rasa or nampak macam best pun. but now i've fallen in love with the place :) egypt, i'm in love

i used to think, pffft ssp? but now i'm living with 3 sspians! XD awesome

i used to always see friends or hang out with em any other day, but now hanya dapat holla kat fb wall dari jauh je. entah mereka ingat lagi i ke tidak :(

sleepsville

2010-11-18T04:24:00.000-08:00

this year's raya haji i was in mansoura. why? beats me. it was a last minute, spur-of-the-moment decision the night before. ahah. it was a VERY bumpy late night ride (seriously, i've never felt so zero gravity-ish in a vehicle in my life) and we arrived mansoura, at about 3.30 kot. so we didn't get any sleep, takut kalau tidur terlepas subuh terus. so you can guess how lethargic and sleepy we were time raya keesokan harinya (ahaha, confession. selama ni time raya kat malaysia pun selalu mengantuk je time raya XD)

mansoura is ok-ish. ahaha i'm visiting my could-have-been (my other option selain alex was mansoura) i expected the place to be kampung-ish sebab people told me so, but heck, mana adaaa. ok je the place. i love the way the place revolves around the uni and banyak hospital yg lawa2 and best2. kalau kat alex ni, uni die tu haaaa terperosok kt hujung dunia, kene laa jalan jauh2. ahah. and i loveeeeeeeeee all the food outlets especially kedai2 desserts ie ice creams, cakes etc. memang bersepah-sepah je ada. i mean, not saying that alex takde, but mansoura is waaay cheaper :) heck, i ate ice cream dua kali in a night. pure bliss :)

if kat alex, tak pernah duduk kat rumah. tak menyempat pun nak relax2 sleep-in the whole day, heck, movies pun baru tgk seciput dua, tempat pun tak cukup masa nak gi explore lagi. but my visit to mansoura was filled with pure laziness, makan tido makan tido makan tido tido tido. ahah. taktau kenapa, but the environment sungguh conducive nak tido, sleepy hollow :)

and those mansoura people cakap they have ample of time. cuti banyak. kelas everyday 2jam je, yg lain self-study. so they have time to tidur, main masak2, movies/series marathon and loads more. all those stuff i can't really indulge in kat alex. haha, ye laa, class pun sampai 4 petang, balik kelas dah pancit, memang harapan laa nak melepak2 balik rumah. of course i'm jealoused a teeny weeny bit of them, but hey, i'm thankful for the super busy lifestyle in alex too, cos then i would not be itching to find something to do all the time.

overall, it was a blissfully sleepy visit :) selamat hari raya everyone

dear god

2010-11-14T15:01:00.000-08:00

Dear God
The Compassionate, The Beneficent, The Gracious
The Merciful, The All-Forgiving
The All-Knowing, The Magnificient
only You know what's in my heart
what i'm feeling, what i'm thinking
what i'm trying to say, when words fail me most.

Dear God
hear this cry of Your humble lowly servant
appease my heartbreak, calm my storm
to You i seek solace
when all the worldly rewards can't satisfy me most

Dear God
grant me ease, in my pursuit of happiness
herein and hereafter
bless me with Your grace
shower me with Your love
inject me with Your strength
wrap me with Your calm
so that i'll never feel cold and alone
never feel helpless and weak
never feel lost and out of sorts

Dear God
make me stay close to You
raise my hands up in prayer to You
cry tears of repentance and relief to You
not only in times of trouble
but during times of ease
and times of laughter
make me not a servant who bites the hand that feeds
make me not a robot who goes through the motions in life
not knowing their true purpose of existence
put me not in the group of 'those who do not know'
for those are the worst group to be in

Dear God
i am thankful for everything and anything
You've ever blessed me with
and i will be forever thankful of the gift of life,
the gift of Islam You've bestowed upon me
the gift of realisation, the gift of pulling me out of my unknowing state of the past

Ya Allah, Ya Rahman Ya Rahim
please preserve my love for You
lead me not astray
plant in me the seeds of kindness
teach me the purity of Islam
and banish away all the dark spots from this heart
the heart that's always on an endless quest of 'finding' and loving The One

amin ya rabbal alamin.

When you feel all alone in this world
And there's nobody to count your tears
Just remember, no matter where you are
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you carrying a monster load
And you wonder how far you can go
With every step on that road that you take
Allah knows
Allah knows

CHORUS
No matter what, inside or out
There's one thing of which there's no doubt
Allah knows
Allah knows
And whatever lies in the heavens and the earth
Every star in this whole universe
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you find that special someone
Feel your whole life has barely begun
You can walk on the moon, shout it to everyone
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you gaze with love in your eyes
Catch a glimpse of paradise
And you see your child take the first breath of life
Allah knows
Allah knows

CHORUS

When you lose someone close to your heart
See your whole world fall apart
And you try to go on but it seems so hard
Allah knows
Allah knows

You see we all have a path to choose
Through the valleys and hills we go
With the ups and the downs, never fret never frown
Allah knows
Allah knows

CHORUS (x2)

BRIDGE:
Every grain of sand,
In every desert land, He knows.
Every shade of palm,
Every closed hand, He knows.
Every sparkling tear,
On every eyelash, He knows.
Every thought I have,
And every word I share, He knows.
Allah knows

yes i need an emo post once in a while