This is an apology

For everything and anything, for the big and the microscopic, for something and nothing in particular.

I'm sorry i can't always be there for everyone.

I'm sorry i can't give my all to everyone to make them happy cos i do try, but sometimes i'm too beaten up, out of energy, hung up to dry.

I'm sorry of i ever put on my intimidating face and snap at what you said.

I'm sorry if i passed by you by the roadside and never offered just a crack of a sunshine of a smile to you. Sometimes i could not be bothered. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for not showing up sometimes to any gatherings or events.

I'm sorry if i ever forgot to do any responsibilities like take out the trash.

I'm sorry if my mere presence annoys you to death. I'm really not trying to murder you just by existing.

I'm sorry for coming in late sometimes for lectures and it bothers or distracts attention of my lecturemates.

I'm sorry i'm not that ideal Muslim girl you were always preaching about.

I'm sorry i'm not the epitome of what a good medical student should be.

I'm sorry i don't skype home so often.

I'm sorry for sometimes being emotional for no reason.

I'm sorry if i ever fantasized of killing you and sorry if i ever made you the subject of my hate and frustration while scheming and crying under the blanket at night.

I'm sorry i'm bad at decision-making.

I'm sorry sometimes i crumble like pastries even though i've promised times and times before to stay strong.

I'm sorry sometimes i don't practice what i preach.

I'm sorry for being the subject and reason of you casting that disdainful and condenscending look of yours. I'm sorry for my imperfections and failure to make you happy.

I'm sorry if i tweet or write things that might be hurtful to you, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

I'm sorry if sometimes i still feel burnt up anger or that resurfacing of that cancer of an emotion which is hate or envy towards you. I try to cleanse my heart out of those toxins, but somehow or another, i end up scrubbing at the same black spot over and over again cos it keeps sprouting up.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Goerg Abed,,Egypt